Home » 152 Hilarious Clock Jokes to Pass the Time with Laughter

152 Hilarious Clock Jokes to Pass the Time with Laughter

Tick, tock, laugh! Our clock jokes are here to add a dash of humor to your ticking moments.

Delve into this collection, where jokes about clocks take center stage, transforming the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Each joke is a time capsule of laughter, making the seconds fly by with amusement.

So, let the humor take the lead, and together, let’s pass the time with laughter!

Best Clock Jokes

Tick-tock your way into laughter with the best clock jokes! These timeless gems will have you giggling in no time.

Did you know that the clock goes to therapy?
It’s because it always has ticks.

Why are clocks so bad at playing baseball?
They always try to steal second.

Why did the clock break up with the calendar?
It was time to move on.

I gave my clock a compliment and it blushed.
It was tickled pink.

Why did the man stare at the clock all day?
Because it was time consuming.

I asked my clock if it could lend me a few bucks.
It said, “Sorry, I’m strapped for time.”

Why don’t clocks ever go on vacation?
Because they’re always working nine to five.

Why did the giant clock go to work?
To make big money.

Why was the clock always running late?
Because time flies when you’re having fun.

The clock asked his mom if he could watch some TV.
She said, “I’m sorry, but it’s time for bed.

Why did the cheap clock go to the mechanic?
It needed a second hand.

Why did the man return his clock?
It ticked him off.

You won’t believe what the clock said when it got hungry.
“I’m not just ticking, I’m also tocking.”

Why did the man refuse to believe what the clock was telling him?
Because he thought it was a second-hand source of information.

Why was the clock angry?
It had a face that could stop time.

Why was the teacher scared of the clock?
It had a second face.

What did the clock say when it was handed a donut?
Time to make the donuts.

Why did the grandfather clock get lost?
It had time on its hands.

Why did the clock go into therapy?
It had a ticking time bomb.

Why was the clock in a bad mood?
It didn’t have a ticking time bomb.

Why did the clock go broke?
It spent all its time.

Why did the clock go to the go-go bar?
To strip!

Why did the clock get in trouble in school?
Because it tocked too much during class!

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Look, no hands!

Funny Clock Jokes

Time flies when you’re having fun, and so will you with these funny clock jokes. Get ready to crack up at every tick and tock!

Why did the clock break up with its girlfriend?
She was always winding it up.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it was two-tired.

I told my friend to put his clock in his fridge.
He asked why and I said, “To make sure that time remains frozen.”

Mount Rushmore is in desperate need of a new face – Time is of the essence.

What is a clock’s favorite board game?
Time Travel.

I was going to tell a clock joke, but I didn’t have the time.

Did you hear about the group of clocks that robbed a bank?
They went back in time and took the money.

Why did the clock go to the principal’s office?
It was to double check its attendance.

Did you hear about the angry clock?
It went back four seconds and ticked off.

What do you get when you cross an alarm clock with a feather?
A “wake-up tickle”.

Why did the watchmaker win the award for “most likely to succeed”?
He had good clock-sense.

What did the broken clock say to the watchmaker?
I’m feeling ticked off!

Why did the detective arrest the clock?
It was guilty of second-hand theft.

Why was the mantel clock embarrassed?
It had a face that only a mother could love.

Why was the clock in the airport always running late?
It had jet lag.

How did the wristwatch break up with the Swiss clock?
It just couldn’t face the time difference.

Why did the cuckoo clock break up with the grandfather clock?
It had commitment issues – it couldn’t handle being wound up all the time.

How do you describe a clock that likes to run marathons?
It’s tick-tocking!

Hilarious Clock Jokes

Turn back the hands of seriousness and forward to the realm of hilarity with these clock jokes.

My alarm clock is always so crabby, it’s just not my type to wake up to.

Swapping out a grandfather clock for a grandmother clock just goes to show, time changes everything.

Time flies when you’re wasting it.

The clock chimed twelve and then became a pumpkin; you have until midnight to go home.

The clock factory closed down because it ran out of time.

My favorite clock is the one that’s always late.

I asked my smartwatch for directions, but it kept telling me it’s time to walk in circles.

The grandfather clock told the grandfather joke, and the crowd ticked.

I was late for my appointment because my clock was ticking backwards.

You can try to turn back the clock all you want, but the past is always behind you.

Without clocks, a watchmaker is just a time traveler without a destination.

My clock is jumbo shrimp-sized.

The clock was just another machine, until it got a job at the Hourly Wage.

The clock sells seashells by the seashore, and watched them wash up ashore.

I lost track of time on my broken clock.

Clock Jokes One Liners

Get straight to the punchline with clock jokes and one-liners. Quick, witty, and guaranteed to make you smile in a split second.

I have a clock that’s always fast, but I like to pretend I’m getting things done early.

My clock is so slow that I often mistake it for a broken watch.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

It’s ironic that the clock is always ticking, yet I never have enough time.

My clock is a moral compass, but it only points to lunchtime.

You can’t escape time; it will always be a ticking issue.

My clock is an expert in procrastination when it comes to striking the hour.

Why did the clock go to the technician?
Because it had a tickly throat.

There was a clock that was always late – it had a small face.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference.
He ate too much pi.

I used to make clocks out of aluminum, but then I realized it was just a waste of time.

I couldn’t help but feel like a weight had been lifted when I sold my stopwatch.

That man was a clock maker by trade, but he just didn’t have the time for it anymore.

This clock is always hungry, it goes back four seconds.

How does a clock hop from one place to another?
By using a ticking time machine.

I tried to make a belt out of clocks once, but it was a waist of time.

How do you make a clock laugh?
You tickle its hands.

If you want to know what makes a clock tick, watch it for a while.

I heard that in medieval times, they plugged a clock in; fortunately, it was a moveable feast.

Someone stole my Microsoft Surface from the clock where I hid it.
They must have picked the right time to do it.

A clock manufacturer kept getting complaints that their clocks were always running late.
They realized they needed to tighten up production.

Why did the man throw his clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly.

When the man’s watch was stolen in broad daylight, he realized he was running out of time.

Did you hear about the big scandal at the clock factory?
They were caught selling secondhand goods.

What did the watch say to the wrist?
I’m just here for the good Times.

Clean Clock Jokes

These clean clock jokes are timelessly funny and suitable for all ages. No need to worry about winding up in laughter – it’s safe and sound!

Every clock has its day, but not every clock has a night.

The only way I can beat the morning rush is if I set my clock to wake me five minutes beforehand.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana clock.

That clock had it coming – it was just a matter of time, really.

Traveling through time is no joke – especially if you’re clocking on and off.

I tried to organize a hide and seek contest, but it was hard to find the clock.

People don’t always understand the moves clocks make – it’s like a different tick-tock.

To the clock that fell in love with a calendar, it was just a date.

When the clock told a joke, the audience cringed; it was about time they improved.

The clock on my wall just ran off to find someone more hands-on.

The clock that fell in love with a balloon, she wanted to tie the knot at high noon.

You might need more than just a second opinion to fix your cuckoo clock.

When the big clock fell down the stairs, it got a second wind.

I didn’t like the clock manufacturer’s name, so I became a watchmaker instead.

There’s no need to watch the clock today, time stands still on the Sabbath.

Clock Jokes for Adults

Mature humor meets timekeeping in these clock jokes for adults. Get ready for jokes that are as sophisticated as they are amusing.

Why did the grandfather clock get such a long sentence in prison?
It was clocked speeding.

How do you describe a clock that only tells time backwards?

Why was the sundial so laid-back?
It was solar-powered.

What did the grandfather clock say to the wall clock when they went on vacation together?
We’re going to have a tick-tock vacation!

Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to clock watching?
He went cuckoo!

Why did the digital clock get a promotion at work?
It had 24/7 availability.

Why did the bell tower clock retire?
It was tired of taking its job too lightly.

Why did the man put a clock under his desk?
Because he wanted to work overtime.

What does Big Ben eat when it’s hungry?

What did the clock say to the coffee pot when it was running behind schedule?
Looks like we’re in a tight roast!

Why did the clock go to the doctor?
It had a tick.

How do you describe a sad clock?
It’s feeling tick-less.

Why was the clock so frustrated?
It was always running behind.

I couldn’t figure out why the clock wasn’t working.
Then I realized it needed a little time off.

Clock Jokes for Kids

Make learning about time fun with clock jokes for kids. These jokes are kid-friendly and will have the little ones laughing while they learn.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

Did you hear about the clock that wanted to become a magician?
He wanted to learn how to do a few tick-tock tricks.

Did you hear about the man who lost his clock?
He really took a lickin’.

The clock was banned from the gym for doing too many tick-tocks.

The only person who knows what time it is, is the one with the working clock.

What time was the dentist appointment?

Why don’t clocks like going to the gym?
It makes their hands tired.

Why did the clock go back four seconds?
Because it wanted to be back in a tick.

Why did the clock get a promotion?
It had second-to-none performance.

What did the clock do when it was hungry?
It went back four seconds.

I wouldn’t buy a used clock.
It’s just not worth the time or money.

My circadian rhythm was out of sync, so I bought a new clock.
It was a real face-lift.

Did you hear about the time traveler who went back in time to see an ancient insect?
It was a tick-tock tick.

Why did the ghost call the clock?
To ask for a minute of boos.

What do you call a watch that can play music?
A Rock-clock-timer.

Clock Jokes and Puns

Puns o’clock! Brace yourself for a pun-tastic journey through time with these clock jokes and puns. Get ready to laugh your seconds away!

My clock always wakes me up for my daily nap.

My clock is always in a hurry, but it’s never on time.

A clock that’s always ticking is a ticking time bomb.

My clock is constantly moving, yet never going anywhere.

I always forget to wind my clock and then it’s the same time twice a day.

It’s about time we had some clock puns.

I wish I could turn back time on my clock, but it seems to have a mind of its own.

I’m always rushing, but my clock ticks at a snail’s pace.

Clocks aren’t very good at math – they always need a minute.

After my clock stopped working, I was permanently late for all my appointments.

My clock only works when it’s time to take a break.

A clock’s favorite DJ must be Grandfather Clock.

The clock on the wall was deceptive—time seemed to go slower when I was watching it.

That clock repairman really knows how to tick off his customers.

Don’t worry about me, I’m just taking clockwise out for a spin.

Clocks are very punctual – they always go tick-tock on schedule.

When in doubt, just clock out any distractions.

They say time is money, but I think it’s more important than that – it’s time.

The best time to buy a clock is right now, unless you’re already late.

Did you hear about the clock that went to the army?
It faced the tick-and-tack drill.

I wouldn’t trust a clock that could never get a hang of its hands.

He’s getting old – his memory is ticking away.

Every clock in the clock shop must be wound up after a long day.

A digital clock told me yesterday that it had a date with a calculator, but I think it was a math.

I would say that time flies but, frankly, the clock does all the work.

Final Thoughts

As the final tick echoes, our clock jokes adventure comes to a close.

We hope these moments of laughter have not only entertained you but also reminded you of the joy found in the simplest of things – even the ticking of a clock.

Got a favorite clock joke? Share it, or tell us which one made you laugh!

Let the memory of these jokes about clocks linger, turning every glance at your timepiece into a chance to smile.

Thank you for joining me on this whimsical journey. May each day be filled with laughter!

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