This line, “New York, the city that never sleeps,” really hits home because of how funny and full of life it is.
The New York jokes are like funny odes to this busy city, like the famous sites that line its skyline.
Studies from places like Columbia University show that humor helps people in cities get along with each other and stay strong.
Each joke captures the spirit of New York City, from funny jokes about New York that show the city’s quirks to hilarious stories that show what it’s really like.
These NYC jokes, which range from short one-liners to more complex ones, honor the unique personality of New York City and its lasting impact on comedy.
Best New York Jokes
Welcome to the bustling humor hub of the Big Apple! The best New York jokes encapsulate the city’s vibrant energy and iconic character. With sharp wit and clever quips, these jokes invite laughter while celebrating the spirit and unique quirks of NYC.
Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month.
So, yeah. Go Bills!
Where do New York fish keep their money?
In the riverbanks of the Hudson River.
What prevented Jesus from being born in New York?
No one could find three wise men or a virgin.
In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest?
Statin island.
Why is “The Wave” banned in the Carrier Dome?
Two Orangemen fans drowned last year.
A fisherman from New York reeled in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long.
Honestly, I don’t get the big deal. I do this every day on Tinder.
I got invited to a ball drop in NYC last night.
Turns out it was a bar mitzvah.
I just returned from a trip in Germany, and I realized just how awful American children are.
Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder.
Nothing twists my mind like New York pretzels.
How hard is it to drive a computer from Toronto to New York?
Yeah, it’s be a hard drive.
Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? To wake up oily.
Think New Yorkers can’t get along? I just saw two strangers share a cab…
one took the battery and the other took the radio and tires.
What is the best place to charge your phone in NYC?
Battery Park.
What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes?
“You got schmutz on your foots, Toots!”
Don’t surprise me on Brooklyn bridge.
The suspension is giving me anxiety.
New Yorkers are confusing. Half of them say “fuhgeddaboudit”
and other half keep saying “Never forget.”
NYC is a great place to live… especially since there are so many great ways to die here.
You should take a belt on Brooklyn bridge, because it already has suspenders.
Funny New York Jokes
Dive into the world of humor with funny New York jokes that capture the city’s vivacious charm. Each quip, a tribute to the New York’s quirks, promises laughter for residents and admirers of this iconic city.
The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.
I don’t get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.
Why do people from India like New York?
Because there’s a Delhi on every block.
Why do New Yorkers love visiting Minnesota?
Because that is where the mini apple is.
NYC looks terrible in the mornings.
But I guess that’s because it’s the city that never sleeps.
On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl?
A visitor.
My health led me to move to New York City.
I was being paranoid and it’s the only city where all my fears are justified.
Is there a difference between New York Giants fans and Trump supporters? Yeah, New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks.
Feeling loopy?
Try the New York pretzels.
How do you describe an NYC bike that has been sitting in the sun for hours? Tire-less.
Studies recently showed that New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.
Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny.
What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC?
Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
New York looks crappy in the mornings. What did you expect from a city that never sleeps?
Looking for total wieners? You don’t have to go far.
Try the NYC hotdogs.
How did the sailor get around the city?
They took Ocean Parkway.
Ever watched how the Brooklyn bridge was built?
It is riveting!
HilariousNew York Jokes
Explore the humor embedded in the heartbeat of New York with hilarious jokes that tickle the funny bone. From clever observations to witty jests, these jokes reflect the vibrant spirit of the city that never fails to amuse.
When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go?
Moo York.
How to get on a New Yorker’s bad side?
Walk slowly.
In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west?
It’s because New York sucks.
Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? To park in handicap spaces.
Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year.
Wait, how is that not an even number?
I love staring at the Brooklyn bridge.
It is my favorite thing on cable.
Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
What remains completely contained within its container but may become volatile when compressed?
Commuters in the New York City subway.
If you make the Brooklyn bridge smaller, is it abridged now?
My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad…But since she lived in NYC, we just called it the subway.
Finally made it to Staten island.
I would say it boat-time!
Do you know why New Yorkers resent tourists? They resent the fact that tourists can still leave.
Short New York Jokes
Experience the essence of NYC humor in concise form with short New York jokes. These quips capture the fast-paced life of the city, ensuring quick laughs and instant connection with its denizens and enthusiasts.
Where do eggs go on vacation?
New Yolk.
Why don’t Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes?
Because crap floats.
What’s a dog’s favorite state?
New Yorkie.
What distinguishes Middle Earth from New York City?
Two Towers.
If you want to make a great frost impression go to New York!
Words can’t espresso how much New York means to me.
New York isn’t taxi-ing to your wallet.
It can burn a hole straight through it!
What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of?
Yawn.
Going on a trip to New York takes a lot of dough.
The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters?
Bookworms.
New Years in NYC really sucked this year.
Yeah, they really dropped the ball.
New York, I’m sure our paths will croissant again.
I’m gonna be Frank.
New York has tasty hot dogs.
In winter, Paris is the city of lights but New York is the city of tights!
In New York, vegan puns are always super corn-y.
You know, everything in New York is
just so pitcher perfect.
New York is divine
but Staten island floats my boat!
I use a BMW to travel New York.
Bus – Metro – Walk
New York Jokes One Liners
One-liner jokes about New York are quick, clever, and full of humor. They capture the spirit of the city. These jokes are great for sharing among New Yorkers and comedy fans, and they show how funny the city is in many ways.
Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorker’s God-given right.
The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able.
There’s so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick.
NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell.
Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone.
Arch you glad you’re in New York?
It’s so cold in NYC today that flashers are just describing themselves.
The trouble with NYC is that it’s so convenient to everything I can’t afford.
In New York…it’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress!
Now York hot dogs are total wieners.
The Big Apple can’t play chess since it’s missing two towers.
In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space.
Trips to New York are super taxi-ing on your wallet.
The cold in New York is snow joke.
When you visit New York in winter, it makes a good frost impression.
Clean New York Jokes
Enjoy the charm of New York jokes without any explicit content. These clean and lighthearted quips celebrate the city’s uniqueness, ensuring everyone can revel in the joy of NYC-inspired humor.
What is the one thing that wakes up New Yorkers every morning?
The smell.
Why was the bagel store robbed?
The lox was broken.
Where do New York chefs get their broth?
The Stock Exchange.
Most people would call snow in New York a crippling snowstorm.
New Yorkers call it Thursday.
What’s a New Yorker’s favorite storm?
A Cyclone.
Where do the Rolling Stones love to perform?
Rock Center.
What did the angry pepperoni say?
You wanna pizza me?
What do you call a barber in the Bronx?
A Yankee Clipper.
What is the landscaper’s favorite museum?
Mow-Ma.
Where did the rooster live?
In a co-op.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the sand?
Nothing, it just waved.
What’s the best street for moving trucks?
Broadway.
New York Jokes for Adults
New York jokes for adults are funny and insightful about city life, but they are written for older audiences. These jokes make city life even more fun, making sure that laughing spreads throughout the NYC community.
When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens?
It makes both states smarter!
After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate?
Boss!
NYC is an exciting place where something mysterious is always happening…
most of these instances remain unsolved.
The trouble with New York is that it’s so convenient to everything I can’t afford.
Where does the devil cook?
Hell’s Kitchen.
Why does the Phil Simms know all the map symbols?
Because he’s a legend.
A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says “I haven’t eaten in three days”.
She instantly says, “where do you get that kind of self control?”
Where does the math teacher like to hang out?
Times Square.
If a plane crashed on the border of New York and Connecticut, where would they bury the survivors?
You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived!
What is the tallest building in New York?
The New York Library of course, it has the most stories!
What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?
The New York Turnpike!
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: New York.
Teacher: Which part?
Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Boston!
What was the Yankees favorite food in the Revolutionary War?
Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
How do New Yorkers show affection?
They’ll give you a hug and a knish.
What’s the coziest spot in New York?
Snug Harbor
New York Jokes for Kids
New York jokes for kids include silly asides and strange stories that are sure to make them laugh. In a funny way, these jokes make you want to learn more about the city and love New York City.
Where did the fruit bowl go on vacation?
The Big Apple.
What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?
Yankee Doodler.
How do the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges communicate?
In Span-ish.
Where in New York is the best place to get ice cream?
Coney Island.
Who do kids in Chelsea hang out with?
Their Piers.
What did the New York flag say to the American flag?
Nothing. It waved!
Where do dogs like to go in New York?
Central Bark.
Did you hear about the power outage in the New York library?
Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
What has a mouth but can’t eat?
The Hudson River!
What do you call a group of cows that judge a book?
The Moo-York-Times!
Did you hear about the map that was mugged?
It was rolled by the map librarian.
Where do ghosts go for a fun weekend?
Boo York.
What do Derek Jeter and a map key have in common?
Both are legends.
If the New York Knicks were chasing the New York Yankees team, what time would it be?
Five after nine. (9:05)
How did the geography student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
What is a nautical chart’s best pitch?
The depth curve.
New York Jokes and Puns
When it comes to New York humor, jokes and puns really bring the city’s wide range of emotions to life. Whether it’s a smart turn of phrase or a funny comment, these jokes celebrate what makes New York City special.
Why aren’t Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
They stick to the ground.
A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when you’re sitting at a red light that has just turned green.
Because it was so hot in NYC today.
The mayor told the Statue of Liberty to please put her arm down.
What is the first thing that British tourists do in New York City?
They visit the Statue of Liber-tea.
Eve wanted to leave Eden and move to New York, but why?
Because the Big Apple captivated her.
Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?
Because that’s where the mini apple is!
If New York City were a person why would it have dark circles under its eyes? Because it is the city that never sleeps.
If you’ve been t New York, you know that vegan puns are so corny!
What is NYC Marathon?
It is just a bunch of people trying to run away from Staten Island.
What museum do comedians love?
The Wit-ney.
Can a kid jump higher than the Statue of Liberty?
Of course, silly. The Statue of Liberty can’t jump!
Final Thoughts
Every joke in the list of fresh New York jokes and the city’s appeal reveals a fresh part of its distinct personality.
As we conclude our tour of jokes about New York, may the shared laughter stay in your mind like echoes of Times Square.
Share your favorite quips and anecdotes in the comments and help to create an environment where New York humor thrives.
These NYC jokes reflect the heart of New York City’s lively culture, from quips about prominent buildings to fun jibes at city life.
Keep these amusing incidents in mind and let them inspire your next city exploration.
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