From Aristotle’s belief in animals as ‘nature’s masterpieces’ to modern behavioral studies the fascination with animal behavior has sparked humor.
In a world that embraces laughter’s healing power, a collection of hilarious animal jokes has emerged.
Expertly curated, these jokes about animals encapsulate the varied world of animal humor, blending wit, scientific observations, and good old-fashioned fun.
Throughout history, humorists and philosophers alike have acknowledged the profound connection between animals and comedy.
Join us on this laughter-inducing expedition as we traverse through the amusing anecdotes and pun-filled narratives that pay homage to the fascinating world of animals.
Best Animal Jokes
kingdoms to the realm of uproarious amusement, where wit and the animal kingdom collide! With a nod to Mark Twain’s belief that ‘against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand,’ brace yourself for a sidesplitting journey filled with the best funny animal jokes!
Where do mice park their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.
There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats!
How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
With flood lighting.
What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
The police had to comb the area.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
“Pleased to eat you.”
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog!
How do spiders communicate?
Through the World Wide Web.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep?
Shear madness.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same?
Itenticle.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail?
To the retail store!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Why is a bee’s hair always sticky?
Because it uses a honey comb!
What animal has more lives than a cat?
Frogs, they croak every night!
What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?
Mice krispies
Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A dino-sewer.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A try and try and try-ceratops!
What pine has the longest needles?
A porcupine.
What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.
Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
Because his feet stink!
Why don’t bears wear shoes?
What’s the use? They’d still have bear feet!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin sea.
How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Plug its nose.
What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
Glass flippers.
What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?
A woolen jumper!
Funny Animal Jokes
Laughter, often called ‘the best medicine,’ finds its zenith in the realm of animal humor. Eliciting giggles, these jokes, backed by research on laughter’s health benefits, promise a joyful escape. Dive into this collection of rib-tickling anecdotes and enjoy a delightful animal-themed laugh riot.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
What is black and white and red all over?
A skunk with a rash.
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
It gave a little wine.
What do you call an exploding monkey?
A baboom.
What do you call a cow in a tornado?
A milkshake.
Which day do fish hate?
Fryday.
What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
Its shadow.
How does a dog stop a video?
He presses the paws button.
What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A lawn moo-er.
41. What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A watch dog.
What do you call a thieving alligator?
A crookodile
What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth!
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breathe through something so small?”
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale.
For sale: Dead Canary.
Not going cheep.
What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They’re under a buck.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument?
A moosician.
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
What do you call farm animals that have a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabites.
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you’ll never get caught.
Short Animal Jokes
Brevity meets hilarity in this compilation of pithy and amusing animal jokes. Backed by the adage ‘good things come in small packages,’ these bite-sized quips pack a punch, promising quick chuckles and belly laughs aplenty.
Two silk worms got in a fight.
It ended in a tie.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did they would always be falling asleep.
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo Zealand.
The early bird might get the worm…
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?
“Should we walk home or take a dog?”
What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?
Big ones.
What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite.
What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What is a dog’s favorite city?
New Yorkie.
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
They kept dropping their trunks.
What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
Three Blind Mice.
Which kinds of snakes are found on cars?
Windshield vipers.
What is a cat’s favourite color?
Purr-ple.
I was going to tell you a cow joke…
but it’s pasture bed time.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What are caterpillars afraid of?
Dogger-pillars.
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
Why did the bee go to the doctor?
Because he had hives.
What do you call an arctic cow?
An eski-moo.
Why did the lamb run over the cliff?
He didn’t see the ewe turn.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove she wasn’t chicken.
What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
Wait at a buzz stop!
What bird can be heard at mealtimes?
A swallow.
What kind of ant is even bigger than an elephant?
A gi-ant.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
“Wart’s new?”
What college do skunks attend?
P.U.
Animal Jokes One Liners
Condensing humor into succinct lines, these one-liners deliver comedic brilliance. Harnessing the power of brevity and wit, they captivate with humor while celebrating the animal kingdom’s quirks, providing instant amusement in each punchline.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One you will see later, and the other after a while.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why did the snail cross the road? To get to the other shell-ebration!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
How do you make a sheep sneeze? Baa-loo him on the nose!
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!
Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee? She got too jumpy!
What steps do you take if a tiger is running toward you? Big ones!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? “Ouch!”
How much money does a skunk have? One scent!
What did the leopard say after finishing a delicious meal? “That hit the spot!”
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
Zoo Animal Jokes
As Darwin famously said, ‘There is grandeur in this view of life.’ Delve into the world of zoo-inspired humor where exotic creatures become the stars of uproarious jokes. Wander through this collection and let the laughter roar!
Why did the leopard get bad grades?
He was always spotted studying!
What’s a sloth’s favorite thing to do?
Absolutely nothing!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the other side (duh, but with a trumpet blast)!
How do polar bears stay cool?
They wear ice-olation jackets!
What do you call a crying camel?
A humpback wail!
Why did the kangaroo get in trouble?
He was caught pouch-lifting!
What’s the best place to find a lost zebra?
At a neigh-borhood watch meeting!
Why did the giraffe have low self-esteem?
He always felt like he was sticking his neck out!
What did the panda say after dinner?
“Bamboo-tiful!”
What did the snake say to the zookeeper?
“Don’t give me any lip!”
Why did the penguin cross the slide?
To get to the other ice!
What’s a monkey’s favorite song?
Jungle bells!
Why did the fish get fired from the bank?
He took too many shellfish loans!
What’s the worst part about being a zookeeper?
Chasing the cheetahs for rent!
What did the parrot say to the other bird?
“Wanna talk?”
Why did the lion get kicked out of the band?
He couldn’t stop roaring the lead singer’s solo!
What do you call a lazy turtle?
A slow-mo!
Wild Animal Jokes
From the untamed savannah to the dense jungle, explore the wild side of laughter. With a nod to ethologists’ studies on animal behaviors, these jokes offer a glimpse into the uproarious antics of creatures in their natural habitat.
Why did the lion break up with his lioness?
She was always a cheetah.
Why did the kangaroo stop hopping?
It ran out of bounce.
Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the zoo?
Because he wanted to pack his trunk!
What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisss-tory.
Why did the giraffe break up with the zebra?
They were in different stripes of life.
What did the owl say to the squirrel?
“You’re nuts!”
Why did the tiger bring a toothbrush to the jungle?
Because he wanted to have fresh prey-t breath.
What do you get when you cross a crocodile with a computer?
A lot of bites.
Why did the fox bring a ladder to the henhouse?
He wanted to go up and grab a quick bite.
Why did the cheetah break up with the antelope?
It couldn’t catch up with its feelings.
What’s a gorilla’s favorite cookie?
Banana split.
What do you call a group of musical whales?
An orca-stra.
Why did the turtle refuse to play cards with the snail?
Because it’s always too slow.
What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat?
A dandy lion.
Dirty Animal Jokes
Embracing humor’s diverse spectrum, these jokes add a dash of cheekiness. While treading the line of irreverence, they promise a good laugh. Enter this section with a light heart and a playful spirit for some risqué animal-themed fun.
“Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?” “Rhino!”
“We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it’s not your turn!”
Dolphins are the only animals besides humans that enjoy having sex.
I had to have sex with a lot of animals to figure that out
Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.
I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.
This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall…
He asks the bartender, “What the fuck is that?”
The bartender replies, “It’s a moose.”
The Scottish chap shouts back, “Fuck me! How big are the cats?”
Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors.
Because they were Veteran Aryans.
What animal has the largest breasts?
The Zebra’
I was wondering why some people felt sexually attracted to animals, and decided to investigate.
During my research I went down quite a few rabbit holes.
What’s the worst animal to play cards with?
A cheetah.
Because it’ll rip your fucking face off.
How Many Animals Can You Fit In a Pair of Pantyhose?
An Ass, a Pussy, two calves, ten piggies and god knows how many hares! I heard this joke from my aunt in the 70’s. Wondered if it was well known.
Animal Jokes for Adults
In a world where laughter is ageless, these jokes cater to the grown-up audience. Drawing from humorists’ clever wordplay and sophisticated wit, this collection offers amusement that’s mature yet delightfully entertaining.
What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What’s the smartest animal?
A fish because they stay in schools!
Why did the whale cross the street?
To get to the other tide.
What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
Swimming trunks!
Where are fish in orbit?
In trout-er space.
Where do orcas hear music?
Orca-stras!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish!
Why are fish so good at watching their weight?
Because they have lots of scales!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk!
What was the first animal in space?
The cow who jumped over the moon.
Why do cows go to New York?
To see the moo-sicals!
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’ll hog the ball!
Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
Because he just came out of the pen.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck!
Why do cows never have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
Where did the sheep go on vacation?
The Baaaahamas
What’s a frog’s favorite soda?
Croak-a-Cola!
What’s a reptile’s favorite movie?
The Lizard of Oz.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
A pie-thon!
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad!
What did the iguana say to his crush?
Iguana be your valentine.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssssside!
Animal Jokes for Kids
Amidst the innocence and wonder of childhood, these jokes spark joy. Supported by child psychology studies, they promise wholesome entertainment for the young minds, fostering giggles and wide smiles.
What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?
French flies.
What does the cat say after making a joke?
“Just kitten!”
What do you call a dog magician?
A Labracadabrador!
What’s it called when all the treats are gone?
A cat-astrophe.
What happened to the dog who ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite!
Why did the cats ask for a drum set?
They wanted to make some mewsic!
What’s a dog’s favorite city?
New Yorkie!
Why don’t you want to play board games with a cat?
They tend to be cheetahs.
What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A rocker spaniel!
When cats don’t want to say goodbye, what do they say instead?
“See ya litter!”
What’s more amazing than a talking dog?
A spelling bee!
Who comes to a picnic but is never invited?
Ants.
Why did the fly never land on the computer?
He was afraid of the web.
Why’s a bee’s hair always sticky?
Because it uses a honeycomb!
How do bees get to school?
By school buzz!
Why wouldn’t they let the butterfly into the dance?
Because it was a mothball.
What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over him?
Bugs Bunny.
What kind of fly has a frog in his throat?
A hoarse fly!
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk!
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries!
What kind of bird works at a construction site?
The crane!
What did the sick chicken say?
“I have the people-pox!”
What bird is always sad?
The blue jay.
Why do seagulls like to live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels!
Final Thoughts
In the vibrant tapestry of humor, animal jokes resonate universally, transcending age and boundaries.
Share your favorite jokes about animals, anecdotes, and laughs in the comments below.
Let the laughter continue to ripple through our lives, celebrating the joyous fusion of comedy and the animal kingdom!
As the great Winston Churchill once said, ‘A day without laughter is a day wasted.’
So, let us embrace the joy found in these jokes and spread the infectious mirth they bring, connecting us through shared laughter and appreciation for the whimsical world of animals.
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