Embark on a ghoulishly delightful journey through scary jokes, where laughter dances hand in hand with fright!
In the immortal words of Carl Sagan, ‘Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.’
Unravel the incredible tapestry of humor, blending scientific curiosity with the eerie unknown.
From the depths of renowned universities to the wit of legendary minds, our collection is a testament to the magic that happens when creepy jokes meet scholarly humor.
So, buckle up, as this is not just a laughter quest – it’s a voyage into the enigmatic realm of Halloween hilarity!
Best Scary Jokes
Discover the crème de la crème of spooky humor in our collection of the best scary jokes. Because, as they say, laughter is the best medicine – even if it comes with a side of chills!
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school.
How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo hooing.
What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car?
Fasten your sheet-belts.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?
A Pharaoh Roche.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
Why are vampires bad at art?
They are only able to draw blood.
Know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry?
She flew off the handle.
What’s a witch’s favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a.
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaains!
Why don’t werewolves ever know the time?
Because they’re not whenwolves.
Why was the cemetery chosen to be the perfect location to write a movie?
Because it had great plots.
What’s a zombie’s favorite cheese?
Zom-brie.
What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
Medi-scare.
Why do we carve pumpkins at Halloween?
Because they have less blood and aren’t as messy as animals.
“Do you like punchlines about scary cows?”
“I find them to be terror bull.”
What’s do you call a cross between the Abominable Snowman and pasta?
Spag-yeti!
What makes people run but isn’t scary?
A treadmill.
What do you call a scary person who likes to rip things?
A tear-er.
Why are yachts and ships so scary?
Because they’re for boating.
Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff.
Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
What is a zombie sleepover called?
Mass grave.
Why was the jack-o’-lantern scared?
Because it had no guts.
What do ghosts wear if they can’t see?
Spooktacles!
Where do you bury a roast dinner?
In a gravy-yard!
What’s a skeleton’s favorite board game?
Tibial Pursuit.
What do girls fear that’s big, scary, and pink?
The Alaskan Bull Worm.
Funny Scary Jokes
Prepare for a laughter-spook combo in our funny scary jokes collection. After all, as Shakespeare wisely noted, ‘Jesters do oft prove prophets.’ Get ready for comedic prophecies that’ll send shivers down your funny bone!
What kind of music are balloons scared of?
Pop music!
What’s comforting and scary at the same time?
A warm toilet seat.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
They have a lot of spirit!
What’s a ghost’s favourite game?
Hide and shriek!
How can you tell if a vampire has a cold?
He’s always coffin!
What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
Necktarines!
What is the witch’s favorite crime show?
America’s Most Haunted.
What’s the worst kind of Halloween decoration?
A Trumpkin!
What do you call it when a group of people survive a deadly plane crash?
Just plane scary.
What’s the difference between a homeless clown and a scary clown?
One is penniless and the other is Pennywise.
How do you know you’ve been ghosted?
The poltergeist doesn’t text you back.
Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?
Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
What kind of bread do zombies like?
Whole brain.
Why don’t zombies eat popcorn with their hands?
They eat their hands separately.
Why aren’t zombies ever arrested?
They can’t be captured alive.
Why did the zombie become a mortician?
To put food on the table.
Who’s the scariest body builder of all time?
Dr. Frankenstein.
Hilarious Scary Jokes
Indulge in the hilarious scary jokes zone, where guffaws meet goosebumps. As Mark Twain once opined, ‘The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.’ Brace yourself for the weaponized hilarity!
What did the skeleton wear to the Halloween party?
A human costume!
What do you call zombies in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What’s a zombie’s favorite weather?
Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
What’s big, furry and has eight wheels?
A monster on roller skates!
Did you hear about the giant monster who ate too many houses?
He was homesick!
Are there any Halloween monsters who are good at maths?
Nope, unless you Count Dracula!
Did you all see the new scary about the killer cow?
It was horror-bull.
What do you call a really scary horse that only appears after the sun has set?
A nightMARE!
“I had a scary dream last night. I dreamed that I woke up dead.
I was so scared I was beside myself.”
What did the scary old lady say when she found a gold cauldron?
“I’m gonna be witch.”
What’s Gordon Ramsey’s favorite scary movie?
“Get out”.
You go to a really scary haunted house, what do you wear?
Depends… no seriously, depends.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
Get a broom!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Ryan Gauzeling.
How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels.
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.
How does a witch style her hair?
With scare spray.
What do you call a witch with a rash?
An itchy-witchy.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
Short Scary Jokes
Dive into bite-sized terror with our short horror jokes! As Edgar Allan Poe said, ‘Short stories are, in my opinion, the most difficult to write.’ We beg to differ – crafting short horror jokes is a breeze!
How do you get rid of demons?
Exorcise a lot.
What was the chicken ghost’s name?
Poultrygeist.
What’s a zombie’s favorite treat?
You might guess brain food, but it’s actually eye candy.
How did the skeleton know there was going to be a rain storm?
They could feel it in their bones!
Why did the ghost keep coming back to the library?
He went through his books too quickly!
Did you hear my rubbish mummy joke?
It Sphinx!
What do you get if you cross a sea monster with a duck?
A quacken!
How do the fastest witches in the world get around?
On vroomsticks!
Why don’t they play music in a skeleton church?
Because there are no organs!
What monster fits on the end of your finger?
A bogeyman!
What did the skeleton say to the waiter?
Can I have an orange juice and a mop, please!
What’s long, hard and scary when you first see it?
Calculus homework.
Unlike Stephen King’s stories, there is nothing scary about his son.
He’s been Joe King ever since he was born.
One cow asked the another, “Have you heard of this mad cow disease? The news sounds so scary.”
The other cow replied, “Doesn’t bother me, man. I’m a helicopter.”
Why is no one scary the day before turning ten?
Because they benign.
You know what’s a scary thought?
Bear in mind…
What do scary pandas eat?
BamBOO!
What did the package say to the scary 18 wheeler?
I’m not a freight.
Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license.
Scary Jokes One Liners
Unleash the power of brevity with our scary jokes one liners. In the words of Winston Churchill, ‘Short words are the best, and old words, when short, are best of all.’ Embrace the fright in just a line!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centres.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with.
What’s a ghost’s favourite dessert? I scream.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? Dead ends.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi.
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.
How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.
What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Shamboo!
Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? It raises their spirits.
Who does Dracula get letters from? His fang club.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining? Bone appetit!
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
Why don’t angry witches ride their brooms? They’re afraid of flying off the handle.
How are vampires like false teeth? They both come out at night.
What’s the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope that it’s Halloween.
Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!
What is a ghoul’s favorite flavour? Lemon and slime.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash!
What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
What is a vampire’s favourite ice cream flavor? Veinilla.
What is a ghost’s favourite fruit? Booberries!
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To go to the body shop.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the dead sea.
Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up.
Scary Jokes to Tell Your Friends
Elevate your friendship game with scary jokes to tell your friends. Recall the wisdom of Confucius: ‘Real knowledge is to know te extent of one’s ignorance.’ Enlighten your pals with spooky ignorance!
What’s the best thing you can do if you’re feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won’t feel lonely anymore.
What is hot and scary at the same time?
Ghost pepper!
What’s scarier than a scary movie?
Mathematics homework!
Do you find birds to be scary?
Imagine Dragons!
What’s the best dessert you can have alone after watching a scary movie?
Eye scream!
What do you call a big, prejudiced, scary clown?
A big It.
Why was Tom scared of making friends?
Because of the fear of getting ghosted.
Do you want to know the scariest mathematics joke?
I can’t tell you. I’m 22 to say it.
When was the turkey scary?
When it was goblin!
Why was the fart scary?
Because the sound came from the morgue.
What starts with T and ends in X and adults are the most scared of it?
Tax.
What’s empty-headed and orange and always tries to be scary?
Jack o’lantern.
If there was a scary Halloween dessert that kept coming back, what would you call it?
A boo-meringue.
Do you like punchlines about scary cows?
I find them to be terror bull.
What makes cheese Frankenstein so scary?
Because he’s a Muenster!
Why are Halloween French pastries so scary?
Because they give you crepes.
What happened when the lady didn’t pay her exorcist on Halloween?
Her house was repossessed.
What classes do witches love in school?
Spelling!
What music was the mummy listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music.
Why did the ghost enter the wine shop on Halloween?
For the boos.
Where do ghosts mostly go on vacations?
Boohamas!
Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In the blood bank.
Where do ghosts mostly trick-or-treat?
At dead ends.
What do you call witches living together?
Broom-mates!
If you cross a vampire and a snowman, what will you get?
Frost-bite!
What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Spooketti.
What kind of keys do ghosts use for unlocking scary doors?
Spoo-key!
How do ghosts tell their future?
By reading their horrorscope.
Why can’t ghosts ever be good at lying?
Because one can see through them.
What are vampires scared of most of the time?
Tooth decay!
What would you call the spiders who married on Halloween?
Newly webbed!
What do ghosts clean their hair with?
Shamboo!
Why don’t ghosts take the stairs but use elevators instead?
Because it raises their spirits.
What happened to the ghost who got lost in the fog?
He was mist!
Why are twin witches tricky?
Because you can’t figure which witch is which.
Where do ghosts buy their essentials from?
Ghost-ery store.
What’s fruits do ghosts love the most?
Boo-berries.
Whom did the vampire take to the prom?
His ghoul friend!
Where do mummies like to go for a swim?
To the Dead Sea.
Why can’t mummies make friends?
Because they are too wrapped up in themselves.
Why do vampires love baseball?
Because they turn into bats each and every night.
What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What was the baby ghost wearing on Halloween?
A pillowcover!
Where do rich, fashionable ghosts shop?
Boo-tiques!
Why are mummies scared to go on vacations?
Because they are scared that they’ll relax and unwind!
Scary Jokes for Halloween
Deck your Halloween with laughter! Explore Halloween jokes – because, as John Carpenter put it, ‘There is a magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight.’ Add jokes to that magic for a frightfully funny night!
What do you call a skeleton that is cleaning up?
The grim sweeper.
How do zombies serve the country?
In the Marine Corpse.
What did the zombie say to his date?
I love a woman with brains.
Who won the dance contest at the Halloween ball?
The boogie man.
What holiday does a vampire love more than Halloween?
Fangs-giving.
What did the ghost teacher say to the class?
Keep your eyes on the board while I go through it again.
What do you say when you catch a ghost?
I got you, boo!
What does a zombie wear to make their eyes pop?
Ma-scare-a!
How does a ghost cry when it’s sad?
Boo! Hoo.
What do you do when zombies surround your house?
Hope it’s Halloween.
What position does a ghost play in hockey?
Ghoulie.
How do you turn the lights out on Halloween night?
Use the lights witch.
What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers.
What do you call a skeleton who never does his chores?
Lazy bones.
What did one ghost say to the other?
Do you believe in humans?
How do ghosts send letters?
Through the ghost office.
What does a ghost call a mistake?
A boo boo.
What do you call two spiders that were just married?
Newley webbed.
What did a zombie tell the other?
Get a life!
What do you call two married spiders?
The newly webs.
Where do ghost parents take baby ghosts?
Day-scare.
What transportation does a skeleton take?
A skelecopter.
Why did the Headless Horseman apply to college?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
Why are skeletons always so relaxed?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Why did the skeleton quit his job?
His heart was not in it.
What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A bloodhound.
Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten.
What made the witch go to the hospital?
She had a dizzy spell.
How do you know a mummy caught a cold?
It starts coffin.
Why did the ghost cancel his comedy show?
He didn’t want to get booed.
What is a witch’s favorite subject?
Spelling.
Where do ghosts like to go swimming?
The Dead Sea.
Where can a monster get a tattoo?
At Monster’s Ink.
Why don’t mummies have any friends?
They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
What do you call an observant wolf?
Awarewolf.
What happened to the cannibal who was late to dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
Why did the baby ghost cry?
He missed his mummy.
Who won the skeleton beauty pageant?
No-body.
What did Dracula say about his wife?
It was love at first bite.
Why did the ghost get a ticket on Halloween?
He didn’t have a haunting license.
What did Frankenstein say when he woke up from his nap?
I had a shocking dream.
Which Halloween monster is good at math?
Count Dracula!
Why did the Cyclops give up teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie?
He didn’t have the guts.
What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
“You sure are boo-tiful!”
What is a vampire’s favorite holiday, besides Halloween?
Fangs-giving!
Where do fashionable ghosts shop?
Bootiques!
What’s a monster’s favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
What room does a ghost not need?
A living room.
What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
Prank-enstein!
Why is a cemetery the best place to write a story?
Because it has so many plots!
Why didn’t the mom let the little witch go trick or treating with her friends?
She was ex-spelled from school.
Scary Jokes for Adults
Adulting just got spookier! Delve into our scary jokes for adults collection. As Sigmund Freud once said, ‘Time spent with cats is never wasted.’ The same goes for time spent chuckling at adult-level spooky humor!
Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?
She was a pain in the neck!
What’s a ghost’s favorite type of street?
A dead-end!
Why don’t mummies take risks?
They can’t unwind the consequences!
What did the werewolf say at the bar?
“I’ll have a Bloody Mary, please.”
How does a ghost cry?
Boo-hoo!
What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poltergeist!
Why was the zombie a great musician?
He had dead-icated fans!
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange!
Why did the monster go to therapy?
He had too many issues!
How does a witch keep her hair in place?
With scare spray!
Why did the ghost become a detective?
To solve cold cases!
What’s a vampire’s favorite dance?
The fang-dango!
How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get another rib!
What did the zombie bring to the potluck?
Grave-y!
How do you make a witch itch?
Take away the “w”!
What did the ghost say to the bartender?
“I’ll have a spirit on the rocks!”
Why did the vampire start a diet?
Too many blood type A’s!
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room!
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch!
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite!
Why did the werewolf go to therapy?
To talk about his hairy issues!
How do you make a skeleton laugh on Halloween?
Ticklish ribs!
Why did the ghost go to the party alone?
Because he couldn’t find his boo!
Scary Jokes for Kids
Introduce kiddos to giggles wrapped in chills with scary jokes for kids. As Dr. Seuss wisely advised, ‘Adults are just outdated children.’ Embrace the timeless joy of youthful frights and giggles!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
Pouch potato!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
What do ghosts use for email?
Spooktacular.net!
What do you call a witch who loves going to the beach?
A sand-witch!
Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
He needed a fang cleaning!
What do you call a witch’s motorbike?
A broomstick!
Why did the mummy go on vacation?
To unwind!
What do you call a monster with no eyes and no nose?
No idea!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired!
Really Scary Jokes
Brace yourself for really scary jokes that’ll send shivers down your spine. In the words of Stephen King, ‘We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.’ Let laughter be your coping mechanism!
Why don’t ghosts like to go out in the rain?
Because it dampens their spirits.
What do you call a ghost’s favorite room in the house?
The living room.
Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank?
Because he always wanted to work with Type-O.
What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boo-jeans.
Why did the ghost become a stand-up comedian?
He was good at boo-standers.
What’s a ghost’s favorite game at the Halloween party?
Hide and shriek.
What do you get when you cross a ghost and a dog?
A “polter-geist.”
How do you mend a broken heart?
With a ghostly cardiologist!
How do ghosts stay in shape?
They exorcise regularly.
What do you call a ghost who’s always telling jokes?
A pun-ghoster.
Why don’t ghosts ever get lost in a haunted house?
Because they always know the way around.
What’s a ghost’s favorite pie?
Boo-berry pie.
What did the ghost bring to the potluck?
“Spook”-ghetti!
How do you organize a space party for ghosts?
You plan-et!
Why did the ghost break up with its invisible partner?
It felt like there was no “body” to the relationship.
What do you call a skeleton who won’t share?
Self-ish.
Why was the skeleton always calm and collected?
It had a great “head” on its shoulders.
How do you comfort a sad skeleton?
You give it some bone-aide.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
What did one tombstone say to the other tombstone?
“You crack me up!”
Why did the zombie apply for a job at the bakery?
He kneaded dough.
Why do ghosts make terrible liars?
You can see right through them!
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hobo-boo.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little “boogie” in it.
What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap music, of course!
Why don’t ghosts ever tell lies in the graveyard?
Because they can’t keep a straight face… or any face!
What did one werewolf say to the other on a cold night?
“I’m fur-reezing!”
What’s a werewolf’s favorite game?
Lunar tic-tac-toe.
Final Thoughts
As we bid adieu to this laughter-filled crypt, let the echoes of scary jokes linger in your soul.
In the immortal words of Vincent Price, ‘A man who limits his interests limits his life.’
Expand your laughter horizons, share your favorite creepy jokes in the comments, and let this space become a haunted haven of communal hilarity.
Remember, in the grand symphony of life, laughter is the haunting melody that stays with us.
Keep the spirit of spooky merriment alive, and may your days be filled with chuckles and shivers!
Until we meet again in the shadowy corridors of laughter, stay spooky, stay amused!
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