Step into a realm of unabashed laughter as we present an anthology of hilarious college jokes.
In the timeless words of Victor Borge, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people,” and these jokes are your express ticket to camaraderie and amusement.
From clever one-liners that defy gravity to knock-knock doorways leading to hilarity, this collection of jokes about college encapsulates the spirit of campus life’s lighter side.
In the whirlwind of academia, a well-timed joke can be the compass steering us through challenges.
Join us on this humorous journey through the corridors of collegiate wit, where the shared joy of laughter transforms the academic landscape.
Best College Jokes
These jokes promise to lighten the academic load, offering a delightful study break filled with laughter and amusement. Get ready for a side-splitting journey through the lighter side of campus life!
Why did the sun skip college?
It already has a million degrees.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bi-son.
If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
Scholar-ships.
College student: Hey, Dad — I’ve got some great news for you!
Father: What, son? College student: Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list? Father: I certainly do. College student: Well, you get to keep it!
Professor: Why do pimples make horrible prisoners?
Because they keep breaking out!
In college, I was so broke I couldn’t pay the electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
My old girlfriend wanted me to do her college algebra homework for her.
But frankly, I didn’t want to solve for ex.
A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes.
It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.
My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays?
I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”
Why did the music note drop out of college?
Because it couldn’t pick a major.
How did the fraternity brother get a bump on his head?
He was attempting a keg stand.
Astronomy professor: What causes a half-moon?
College student: When you can’t get your jeans over your thighs.
What’s the difference between an American student and an English student?
About 3,000 miles.
What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?
Something from another universe-ity.
What do you call a hotdog in college?
A FRAT-wurst.
What do cats major in college?
String theory!
Funny College Jokes
Indulge in the lighter side of academia with our funny college jokes. These quips and jests are sure to bring a smile to your face, providing a much-needed dose of humor to enhance your college experience. Kick back, relax, and enjoy the comedic side of campus life!
What do fish study in college?
Algae brah.
What similarities do mashed potatoes have with an online college degree?
If it ends up on your wall, you’re probably retarded.
What do you call college roommates who cannot afford to pay electric bills?
The darkest days of their lives.
What do you call a Marine who went to college?
Lost.
What do you call hiking college students in the United States?
The walking debt.
What does a college cannibal eat?
Raw-men noodles.
What did the college professor say when the student asked “Is this the course for communication?”
“Yeah, that’s dis-course.”
What did the student say after graduation?
“Thank you, student loan, for helping me through college. I don’t think I can ever repay you.”
What do college students travel on if pilgrims travel on the Mayflower?
Scholar ships.
An elite girl’s college’s headmistress was educating students on sexual morality…… “Ask yourself one question in moments of temptation,” she advised the class, “is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”
She got so furious when one of the students got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”
What inspired the drug dealer to attend college?
To get his degree in meth-ematics.
Why push the dog to go to college?
To get its pedigree.
How do you get into college?
Through the door.
What did the Ox say when his son departed for college?
Bison.
The Dean addressed the students on the first day of college, establishing some of the rules.
“The female dormitory would be forbidden for all male students, and the male dormitory would be forbidden for female students,” he continues.
He goes on to say, “Anyone caught disobeying this regulation would be penalised $50 the first time. Anyone who violates this regulation for the second time will be fined $100. A $200 punishment would be imposed if caught a third time. Do you have any questions?”
A male student in attendance asked, “How much for a season pass?”
What do you call a blonde on a college campus?
A visitor.
What is the difference between college and kidnapping?
College is the opposite, they demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.
Why should you choose classes taught by heterosexual Canadians when registering for college?
They always give straight “eh”s.
What happened to the college kid living on a houseboat who started dating the girl next door? Eventually, they drifted apart.
What do you call a college student dating a midget?
He was nuts over her.
Where did the hippo study for his college exams?
On the Hippocampus.
Why did the circle skip college?
It already had 360 degrees.
Why do so many nurses attend college at the North Pole?
It’s where the Icy U is.
Why are donkeys not permitted to attend college?
Because they already have enough smart asses.
What do you call two roommates in college cleaning each other’s room?
They were maid for each other.
How do you decide whether to join the Bard’s College or the Thieves Guild?
You just have to weigh the pros and the cons.
Why is it easy to get into a pirate college?
Because you just need the high Cs.
What was Spider-Man’s major in college?
Web Design.
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master’s degree.
In a McDonald’s, three recent graduates meet to catch up and the engineering major said, “Have you noticed the new wind turbines being built on the east side of town? As an experiment, they invited our students to conduct some stress studies during windstorms “.
“They also contacted us concerning the bedrock depth for foundations,” the geology graduate said.
“Do you want fries with that?” inquired the Liberal Arts major.
What do you say when a son in clown college sends his father a Thank-You letter?
A very kind Jester.
What do you do when a dishonest college graduate writes ‘PhD’ on his transcript?
I guess you could say he doctored it.
Where do college-age vampires shop?
Forever 21.
What happens when one double-majored in accounting and dentistry in college?
Now they can crunch numbers and numb crunchers.
What is college feminism?
10k women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren’t enough female engineers.
A college student enters a bar slowly and orders a beer. He begins chatting with the bartender.
“What a day. Our physics professor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus,” complains the student. He adds, “If she wasn’t so drop-dead gorgeous I would’ve dropped the class already.”
The bartender looks at him and says, “So you could say she’s easy on the eyes, but hard on the pupils?”
What do you call someone working in a pizza shop through college so they could afford to eat something other than ramen?
They are kneading the dough.
What college did Michael Jackson go to?
Bringham Young University.
What do you call a vegetable in college?
Scholared greens.
How are June bugs like College Dropouts?
They sleep all day, they party at night, and after a month, you don’t see them anymore.
Why did one fail in college’s calculus exam?
Because he was seated between two identical twins and couldn’t differentiate between them.
When Chuck Norris left for college, what did he tell his father?
“You’re the man of the house now.”
How did the volcano graduate from college?
With magma cum laude.
What’s the best thing about college?
It forces you to have confidence. Like in high school you never had the confidence to walk in front of a moving car.
Hilarious College Jokes
Dive into a world of hilarity with our collection of hilarious college jokes. From clever observations to witty punchlines, these jokes are a delightful escape from the daily grind. Laugh your way through the ups and downs of college life!
How do you get a squirrel to major in art at college?
Show it some “nuts and bolts” of creativity! And maybe a few acorn sculptures too!
Why did the tomato turn red at college?
Because it saw the salad dressing in its “finals week” outfit, and it knew it was about to be tossed into a whole new world of pressure!
What’s a college student’s favorite type of math?
“Summertime” – because that’s when they don’t have any math classes, and they can finally “add” some relaxation to their schedule!
Why was the college library always calm and collected?
Because it had a lot of “quiet” knowledge, and it knew the importance of shushing loud study groups with a stern “Shhhhhh!”
How do you know you’re at a college for magicians?
They always have disappearing courses, and they’ll teach you to make your GPA vanish in a puff of academic smoke!
How can you tell if you’ve been in college too long?
Your parents are running out of money!
What’s the deal with the sun skipping college?
It has already reached a million degrees.
College Student: Do you remember the $500 you promised me in return for me making the Dean’s list?
Father: I definitely do.
College Student: Well, you can keep it!
College students who join the paratroopers to pay off their student loans are called what?
Debt from above.
In college, what would be spiders’ favorite class?
Web design
Our English teachers seem like the most logical people in the faculty.
When things get tough, he always uses his comma-sense.
High school students can’t go out for lunch because it’s forbidden.
College students can’t go out for lunch because they can’t afford it.
Pot and my college’s football team have something in common.
They both get smoked in bowls!
Why could the moebius strip not enroll in college?
They were required to attend an orientation.
Is there a good way to save money while in college?
Use Happy Hour as your main dining option.
One day two parents were talking and one asked the other what their son was taking in college.
The one replied: He’s taking every penny I have!
To change a light bulb, how many fraternity brothers are necessary?
None. That’s what pledges are for!
What is the best place to find sorority girls?
Dancing on top of tables.
What does it mean to be an optimist?
A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.
Are there ships that students study on?
Scholarships.
My local college has a program in which students can be employed in the campus bakery and earn their tuition.
This opportunity isn’t for everyone.
It’s run on a strictly knead-to-know basis.
I think college athletes ought to get paid for their participation in sports.
Except Tennessee.
Those are Volunteers.
Knock Knock College Jokes
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Irresistible knock-knock jokes for college students! Brace yourself for a barrage of laughter-inducing door openings and punchlines. It’s time to knock on the door of humor and let the chuckles in.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alpaca.
Alpaca who?
Alpaca the books; time for a study session!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here, and I forgot my key card!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like to be my study buddy?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for the lecture, grab your books!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to keep reading all these textbooks?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita study break, let’s grab some coffee.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fig.
Fig who?
Fig-ure out your major yet?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Amos.
Amos who?
Amos-quito bit me, and now I can’t concentrate on my homework!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you! Must be the flu season on campus.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cow says.
Cow says who?
No silly, cow says, “Moo”! We’re in the animal science class!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cereal.
Cereal who?
Cereal-ously, we need a break from all these exams!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ya.
Ya who?
No thanks, I use Google.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Owen.
Owen who?
Owen the library, come find me!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business, but I aced that test!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby-tually, I forgot to do my assignment.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda study group later?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive your books are overdue at the library!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer credit for my textbooks.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ima.
Ima who?
Ima straight-A student!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
Nobel-ieve me, this class is tougher than I thought.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Emma.
Emma who?
Emma-nother all-nighter to finish this essay.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yule.
Yule who?
Yule be sorry if you don’t pass this class.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting student.
Interrupting stude…
Professor: You’re late!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
That’s what I’m asking you after this physics class!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for the campus tour – let’s explore!
College Jokes One Liners
Short, sweet, and undeniably funny – our collection of college jokes in one-liner form is perfect for a quick chuckle. Enjoy the brevity of humor and add some witty repartee to your day!
Ramen noodles: The official food group of college students.
My GPA is like the weather: unpredictable and constantly changing.
I spend more time in the library than my actual dorm room.
Group projects: where dreams go to die.
My brain cells are officially declaring bankruptcy.
Coffee is my spirit animal.
Professor: “Any questions?”
Me: “Can I have an extension?”
My future career is as blurry as my 8 am lecture notes.
The only workout I get is running from my responsibilities.
I’m not lazy, I’m just selectively motivated.
Procrastination: the art of making easy tasks difficult.
My student loan balance is higher than my GPA.
Finals week: proof that alcohol is a coping mechanism.
“Adulting” is just a fancy word for pretending to know what you’re doing.
But hey, at least we have free pizza during finals!
Short College Jokes
In a hurry but in need of a good laugh? Our short college jokes are the perfect remedy. Quick, clever, and bound to bring a smile, these jokes are a fantastic way to inject humor into your day.
My procrastination level is so advanced, I haven’t even finished this joke yet.
Professor: “Any questions?”
Me: “Is it Wednesday?”
Ramen noodles: the official food pyramid of college students.
GPA: Guaranteed to Panic Anytime.
Laundry pile?
More like a personal Everest.
“Adulting” is just a fancy term for pretending to know what you’re doing.
Library? My home away from… well, anywhere else.
Finals week: proof that vodka is a coping mechanism.
Future career?
Still deciding between astronaut and Netflix star.
My brain cells officially declared bankruptcy last semester.
Coffee is my spirit animal, and my sleep schedule is its spirit guide.
Group project: where dreams go to die.
“Any late assignments?” Me, already halfway out the door: “Nope!”
My social battery runs out faster than my phone on finals week.
Professor: “This material is easy.”
Me: frantic Googling intensifies
My student loan balance is taller than my future career prospects.
Procrastination is the art of making easy tasks impossible.
But hey, at least the library has comfy chairs for napping.
Free pizza during finals?
The only light at the end of this tunnel.
College: the most expensive nap I’ve ever taken.
And I haven’t even graduated yet.
Remember, if you can laugh at yourself, you’re probably passing the class.
Bonus: What’s the difference between a college student and a pizza?
The pizza eventually gets taken out.
Dirty College Jokes
For those with a cheeky sense of humor, our dirty college jokes add a naughty twist to your day. Brace yourself for some risqué laughs and indulge in the lighter, more mischievous side of college life.
Not to brag, but we did a lot experiments with drugs, sex, and alcohol when I was in college.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
In college, I wasn’t admitted to any fraternity because I was circumcised.
To get in, you had to be a complete dick.
The headmistress at my exclusive girl’s college was lecturing us on Sexual morality……
“In moments of temptation,” she said to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”
She got so furious when I got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”
I took dick sucking class in college and got an F.
I sucked so hard at it.
I’ve been 1 week in college and already had five times the sex I had in 3 years of highschool.
5×0=0
How is college like sex without a condom?
It’s really fun until you get tested.
How do teachers commend good students in class at Japan Ninja College?
“I didn’t see you in class today”
42% of strippers are working their way through college
According to the latest pole
My girlfriend asked me to take a picture of my penis for her college class to use. Said my penis was a perfect specimen!
It was for her microbiology class.
College Jokes and Puns
Wordplay meets academia in our collection of college jokes and puns. Whether you appreciate clever language twists or witty observations, these jokes are designed to add a touch of humor to your college experience.
Why would a servant go to college after working so many years?
Because he was unable to take his master’s degree.
How do you define the correct definition of an optimist?
A hosteller opens his wallet and expects to find some currency in it.
What is the biggest thing you learn at a music college?
A major.
What is the biggest thing you learn at a music college A major.
Why would a music thief visit a college?
To take away notes.
What would you call a test tube with an excellent college degree?
It would be a graduated cylinder.
How would you know that you are actually in your dream college?
You’d be able to fly!
How would you know that you are actually in your dream college You’d be able to fly!
I’m trying to keep myself away from football, but I can’t kick it.
Football says hustle, hit, and never quit.
Football differences between an absolute champ and chump.
It’s because I suck at tennis.
Never think that winning is everything; remember, it’s the sole thing.
Football doesn’t even count as a contact sport. It’s a collision sport!
I would be back to another home, my field!
Don’t be calm; it’s our football season!
What is the greatest deal a college student could offer to his father?
The exemption from lack of college fees due to expelling!
Have you ever thought about why the Sun never went to college?
Because he already possesses trillion degrees.
A millionaire is a man with a million dollars, a billionaire with billion dollars, so what would you call a man with 10 dollars?
A high school student.
What would you call a genius person among a college student group?
A visitor.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
The math professor is so old-school. He still uses a slide rule.
I’m friends with all electricians. We have such great current connections.
Why did the scarecrow become a successful student? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
Studying geometry is pointless without a good angle.
The professor was confident in his ability to teach graphing, but it turned out to be a plot twist.
Final Thoughts
As we conclude this laughter-infused exploration of jokes about college, we invite you to join the conversation.
Share your favorite college jokes, anecdotes, and comedic moments in the comments below.
Let this digital space become a hub of shared joy, where the tapestry of humor binds us together.
As we navigate the intricate chapters of college life, let laughter be the thread that stitches friendships, eases burdens, and paints our memories with vibrant hues.
Cheers to the enduring power of humor!
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