Step into the realm of delight as we present French jokes, a curated collection that spans the spectrum from clean and whimsical to daring one-liners.
Drawing inspiration from the rich tapestry of French culture, these jokes promise to be your passport to laughter.
As humor transcends linguistic boundaries, our selection reflects the universal joy embedded in French wit.
From the Eiffel Tower of hilarity to the quaint streets of wordplay, each category offers a unique flavor, ensuring there’s something for every taste.
Join us on this laughter odyssey, where the artistry of comedy mirrors the elegance and diversity found in the heart of France.
Best French Jokes
Embark on a laughter odyssey with our carefully curated collection. From witty anecdotes to rib-tickling humor, our Best French Jokes promise a comedic masterpiece that transcends borders.
A German went to France for a holiday and here is the scene.
French border staff: “Occupation?”
German: “No, no, no, just visiting.”
Anyone can use my French Revolution joke.
It’s royalty-free.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say “Excuse my french” after a swear word.
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
A wealthy Frenchman was showing off his yachts. “This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six…”
“What happened to five?” his wife asked.
“Cinq” he answered.
A Frenchman walks into a library and asks the Librarian if he can check out a book about War.
The Librarian responds, “No, you’ll lose it.”
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
What did the baguette say when it was being sliced?
“Ouch! Le pain!”
Did you hear about the crazy person that that fell into the French river?
He was in Seine.
What do French ducks say?
“Quoi quoi.”
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over?
The I Fell Tower!
What happens when you drink too much water in Paris?
European.
Why should you never joke about French history?
Because it is nothing to Lafayette.
When I was in Paris, I had a terrible accident.
Eiffel off a tower.
What do frogs eat in Paris?
French flies.
Why did the French chef kill himself?
He lost his huile d’olive.
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.
Are you from Paris?
Because you’re driving me in-Seine.
What did the loanshark say to the Frenchman who loaned some money?
When you come back, you better have my Monet.
I once thanked a French guy to death.
It was a merci killing.
What do French fries do when they run into each other?
They ketch-up.
I asked a French man if he played video games.
He said, “Wii!”
I was surprised when I heard about the flooding in Paris.
Normally, the water is l’eau.
How did the French leader Napoleon have fun?
By throwing a Bonapart-y.
Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle?
Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*.
I went to a cafe in Paris and was insulted by the barista.
It was a regular French roast.
What is the Guillotine?
A French chopping center.
My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.
So I made her marry an old guy she’s never met to secure an alliance with the French.
What do you call The Hunger Games in Paris?
Battle Royale with cheese.
Did you hear about the small chicken that lived in a Parisian opera house?
It was called the bantam of the opera.
Funny French Jokes
Delight in the joie de vivre of laughter with our carefully selected Funny French Jokes. Experience the uplifting power of humor that brings an invincible summer to your day. From clever quips to whimsical anecdotes, these jokes promise a hearty dose of joy for every comedic palate.
What did the French woman say to the receptionist at the airport?
“I am in great Henri to visit France!”
How did the French woman feel after dressing up for her dinner date?
Very France-y.
Why do many art critics love to read about French painter, Eugène Delacroix?
They never get Bordeaux-ed about him.
In France, why does everyone have a confident attitude?
Because they hate Toulouse.
What did the French friend say when she had to leave after finishing dessert?
“I do not want to leave, but it’s time for me to escargot, I’m afraid.”
Why wasn’t Jesus born in France?
He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes?
In France.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German.
What seems to be the quietest sports in France?
Para-shooing.
Why do people barely complain about life in France?
Because they have Nantes-thing to crib about.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag?
The French flag!
When the US went to the moon they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.
Why do French tanks have rear windows?
So they can see the battlefield!
What’s the name of the most popular French knight?
Sir Ender.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
How many gears does a French tank have?
Seven. One forward and six reverse.
What’s the shortest French book ever written?
“The Complete List Of French War Heroes.”
What are the two problems with the French flag?
The red bit and the blue bit.
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a Soviet Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, “They must be French, they’re naked and eating fruit.”
The Englishman replies, “Clearly they’re English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit.”
The Russian then notes, “They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise.”
Hilarious French Jokes
Indulge in a Gallic gala of giggles with our Hilarious French Jokes. Let our jokes be the sunshine that brightens your moments. From clever wordplay to uproarious scenarios, our collection guarantees a laughter-filled escape into the world of French hilarity.
My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day.
So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a French fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.
Mrs. Potato said: “I see you eye-balling that French girl!”
What did the tourist decide after visiting France for the third time?
He wanted to Gauguin.
What do French people say when they meet new people?
I hope your Degas great!
What did the mother say to his son when he verbally abused her?
“I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.”
Why do tourists avoid visiting France in summer?
Because it is st-Eifel-ing.
What did the exasperated Frenchman say when his friend wouldn’t keep quiet about France?
Oh for crying out loud! Baguette up about it!
How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
I don’t know, it’s never been done.
Why are the best-used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired, and they have only been dropped once.
How does one usually feel after visiting France?
Fin-tastic.
What did the French policeman say after charging the driver for DUI?
“Why were you Rodin your car under influence?”
What did the French lover say to his wife who was late for work?
“It is time to Hugo to work, mon cherie.”
What did the husband say to his French wife when they were going on a trip?
“How did you Charlemange-age to pack so many things?”
How does a French person greet someone in Americans?
By saying “Welcome to Louis-ville.”
What did the tourist say when he wanted to visit the French museum?
I Musee French art.
Why do musicians love visiting France?
When the French woman returned home after her trip, what did she say?
I have so much to Marseilles about France.
What is the favorite song that French people love listening to?
“Hey, macaroon-a.”
How do you keep a French person from crashing your party?
Put a sign up that says “no nudity”.
Short French Jokes
Savor the essence of humor distilled in our Short French Jokes. These concise bursts of laughter prove that the secret is often in saying just enough to leave you wanting more.
What did the French friend answer when he was asked to wear a costume for the party?
I will come in dis-Guise.
What would a French dog who loves eating potatoes be called?
A pomme de terrier.
Why did the tourist want to visit France?
Because it was a beret good time!
Why do most French tourists end up happy after visiting France?
It is impossible to Rouen the trip.
What did the tourist say when his mother asked if he could visit France again?
Of Corsican!
What type of breakfast do French people usually prefer?
The breakfast of champignons.
Why did the French give the statue of liberty to America?
They had no use for a statue with only one hand raised.
Don’t eat the French fish.
It’s poissan.
What’s the difference between a tick and the Eiffel tower?
Well nothing, after all, they are both Paris sites.
How did the Paris police find Quasimodo?
They followed a hunch.
Why do most people love visiting France?
It is a oui bit different!
What did the tourist’s kid say when he saw the Eifel Tower?
I love this French Tour.
Why did the woman hate being alone in a deserted street in France?
Because it gave her the crepes.
Why is French onion soup a favorite amongst people in France?
Because it is absolutely soup-er.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.
Why does everyone love visiting France?
Because it is beautiful in every Cezanne.
What do people usually say after visiting France?
I ain’t Lyon. I love France.
What did the wife say to her husband when they bought a new house in France?
I Cannes watch the French Riviera from this view.
What do people say in France after meeting someone they haven’t met in a long long time?
“Our paths will croissant again.”
Why do people from all around the globe love eating French food?
Because the taste is brie-ond brie-lief!
Why do French people simply love their country and cultural heritage?
They think that they are the creme brulee of the crop!
What is written in the book of the French Constitution?
The d-eclair-ation of man’s every right.
French Jokes One Liners
Enter the realm of witty brevity with our French Jokes One Liners. Like a finely aged Bordeaux, these jokes pack a punch in a single sip, delivering humor as sharp and satisfying as a classic French aphorism.
Why did the French bread always win the race? Because it had a “baguette” start!
Why did the French chef bring a ladder to the kitchen? To reach the high cuisine!
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in a French castle? The crypt!
How do you apologize in French? Say you’re “so-rry.”
Why do French people only eat one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un œuf!
What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Phillipe-Flop.
Why did the French mime become a gardener? He had a talent for silent cultivation.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit in France? A blood orange.
What do you call a Frenchman in denial? Non-stop.
What did the French chef give his wife? A hug and a quiche.
How do you catch a squirrel in France? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why do French people eat snails? Because they don’t like fast food.
Why did the Frenchman bring a ladder to the bar? To reach the high spirits!
What do you call a French bee? Oui-oui.
Why did the French cat sit in the Eiffel Tower? Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mice.
What do you get when you cross a Frenchman with a computer? A lot of “cache.”
How do you say goodbye to a French gardener? “A bientôt, mon chou.”
What’s a French pirate’s favorite letter? Arrrrrr.
Why did the Frenchman put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets.
Clean French Jokes
Elevate your spirits with our collection of Clean French Jokes. Just as the French approach art with elegance, these jokes provide refined, hearty chuckles, steering clear of anything that might taint the humor.
Why did the French baker go to therapy?
He kneaded someone to talk to.
How do you organize a fantastic space party in France?
You planet!
What’s a cat’s favorite French landmark?
The Eiffel Tower!
Why did the French cookie go to school?
It wanted to be a smart cookie!
How does a French skeleton say goodbye?
“Au revoir!”
What do you call a Frenchman who can balance on one leg?
Philippe Philoppe.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe-Flop.
How does a French bee greet you?
Oui-oui!
Why did the French cat sit on the computer?
Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse.
What’s a French ghost’s favorite dessert?
Boo-le crème.
Why did the French fisherman bring a ladder to the sea?
He heard the fish were biting.
What do you call a Frenchman with a shovel?
Pierre.
How do you say “excuse me” in French?
“Pardon my French.”
What’s a French superhero’s favorite drink?
Bordeaux.
Why did the French teacher bring a ladder to class?
To help his students reach new heights in learning.
Why did the French cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What’s a French dog’s favorite music?
Barkoque!
How do you compliment a French astronaut?
Say, “You have a stellar style!”
Why was the French math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
What do French people eat on their birthdays?
Bonbonbons!
How do you make a French tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
Dirty French Jokes
For those craving a saucy soirée, our Dirty French Jokes add a spicy twist to your laughter. Exercise discretion as we traverse the risqué lanes of French wit, delivering humor that dances on the edge of the taboo. Enter at your own delightfully mischievous risk.
I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries…
One of co-workers told me yesterday that he’s always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler.
I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it.
I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. “So you went ahead and did it?”
“Yeah, and I got caught, so they fired me.”
“And what about the Potato Peeler?” I asked.
“They fired her too.”
French people don’t masturbate.
They jacques off.
What do you call it when you sit on a French baguette?
A pain in the ass.
I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class.
I’ve never run so far in my life.
What do you call a French prostitute in Pakistan?
Lahore.
What is a French prostitutes response to how are you
Cum see cum saw.
My friend said he could speak German, French and Scottish.
When I didn’t believe him he said: “Ja Oui Bastard.”
French Jokes for Adults
Embark on a laughter journey with our French Jokes for Adults, designed to unleash your inner libertine. Immerse yourself in mature humor that elegantly defies boundaries, bringing a touch of sophistication to your laughs. Let the comedy transcend the conventional, offering a truly adult delight.
Why wasn’t Euro Disney popular?
Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.
Why do the French not pronounce “h” at the beginning of words?
Because they hate it.
Why do jihadists drink instant coffee?
Because they hate the french press…
What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?
They both hate the French press
Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?
Ronald MacAardvark!
What’s the difference between an English pig and a French pig?
A French pig goes, “Oui! Oui! Oui!” all the way home.
What is the best celebration to have in a French Toilet?
A biday party!!
How does a french alcoholic greet someone?
Enchantr.”
Who is the most famous French ant ?
Napoleant !
Why do French people only ever have one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is
What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general?
Napoleon Bunnyparte!
How does a French soldier greet his comrades?
Salut!
Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant?
He got crped out.
Why French Fighter jet are name phantom?
Because they don’t exist.
Why so the French line their streets with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade
What did one dehydrated French guy say to the other?
What do we do now, Pierre
What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Fillipe F’Lop
Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors?
So they can see the battle.
What is French Super Mario’s favorite board game?
Le Ouija
What did the French man say when he tripped down the stairs?
Eiffel.
What’s the only thing the English and French agree on?
Americans. Alternatives: What’s the only thing Americans and the French agree on?
The English. What’s the only thing the English and Americans agree on?
The French.
Why do French tanks have review mirrors?
Because they want to see the front line too.
Why could the french man not count to four?
He could not get past the tree!
Why can’t French people count to 5?
Because there’s a in the way.
What is the favorite number of french potheads?
Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
What’s in Heaven and Hell?
In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians
What do you call a hip French black guy?
Latrill
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What do French people do when they don’t have bottles of their favourite beverage?
They go to Cannes
How do you say “I surrender” in french?
Bonjour”
What’s a French egg’s favourite airforce?
L’oueftwaffe.
How do the French defend a city?
We don’t know, they’ve never tried it.
What do you call a cheesy French man?
Parma Jean
What’s a French person’s favorite video game system?
The Wii! (Oui)
How do you distinguish a French tank from a British tank?
The rear-view mirrors
What do French people call a really bad Thursday?
A trajeudi.
How do you know if you’re in a French Village?
If you see sap buckets on telephone poles.
How do I know he was French, do you ask?
He went oui, oui.
What do you call a dehydrated French man?
Pee Air.
How many French horn players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100, 1 to screw it in and 99 to say how they could do it better.
What smells of cheese and is filled with holes?
About 100 French people right now.
Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?
Cause they hate the French press.
Why did the french man put a bomb on his kitchen floor?
Because he wanted to see Linoleum Blownapart.
What do French athletes wear?
Jaques straps.
What do French people say after they’ve gone to the bathroom?
Au revoir poo poo.
How do French psychologists like their beverages?
froid.
How can you identify a French Infantryman?
Sunburned armpits.
What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?
He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise.”
Why did Aristotle hate French fries?
They were fried in ancient grease!
What do you call a French dog that sells medicine?
Un phrarmachien!
When my wife does our daughter’s hair: “How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?
When I do her hair: “How about a hat “
What does a French carpenter say when he runs out of nails?
I haven’t a clous.
What do you call a French bathroom with a bomb in it?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Why do the French always were white when pole vaulting?
So people can see them surrender from afar. Edit: wrong form of the form “wear”
Why does nobody ever talk about Jack the Ripper’s sleazier French cousin?
Jock the stripper.
What’s the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?
Beep Beep Beep…
French Jokes for Kids
Nurture joyous childhood memories with our collection of French Jokes for Kids. These jokes are a whimsical voyage through the stars of innocent laughter, sparking smiles and giggles.
Why did the French bread always smile?
Because it had a lot of “baguette”itude!
What’s a French cat’s favorite dessert?
Mew-sse!
How does a French bee spell “goodbye”?
Bee-zarre!
Why did the French chef bring a pencil to the kitchen?
In case he wanted to draw his soufflé!
What’s a French vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
How does a French rooster say good morning?
“Cocorico!”
What’s a French fish’s favorite game?
Cod and seek!
What do you call a Frenchman with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Why did the French vegetable go to school?
To get a little beetucated!
What’s a French ghost’s favorite snack?
Boo-guette.
How does a French cat end a letter?
Purr-sonally.
Why did the French astronaut become a gardener?
He wanted to plant-et!
What’s a French dog’s favorite movie?
The Bark of the Penguins!
How do you say “giggle” in French?
Ha-ha-haute!
Why did the French chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What’s a French cow’s favorite hobby?
Moo-sic!
Why did the French math book go to therapy?
It had too many problems.
What’s a French owl’s favorite subject?
Owl-gebra.
Why did the French cookie cry?
Because its mother was a wafer too long.
What do you call a French snowman?
Frostique.
Why did the French vegetable go to the party?
To turnip the fun!
How do you compliment a French spaceship?
Say, “It’s out of this monde!”
What do French skeletons say before a meal?
Bon appétit!
How do you say “superhero” in French?
Superbe-héros!
French Jokes and Puns
Savor the linguistic delights in our French Jokes and Puns. Like a symphony of language, these jokes blend wit and wordplay, creating a harmonious cacophony of laughter that resonates with the finesse of French literature.
What did the Italian dressing say to the French dressing?
Nothing. Dressings don’t have arms.
How do you stop a French tank?
Shoot the guy that’s pushing it!
What do you call a french soul singer?
Beret White.
What do you call a French human delicacy?
Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka.
How do French poodles greet each other?
Bone-jour.
Why is French body armour so cheap?
They only need it for their back.
What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?
Bonjour, je m’apelle Guy aussi!
What do you call a french racist?
A beget!
What did a blind french guy said he wanted for christmas?
All I want for christmas is yeux.”
What do you get if you cross a cow a french fry and a sofa?
A cowch potato!
Why did Vietnam revolt against the French?
Because they knew they would Nguyen.
What do you get if you take the red circle off a Japanese flag?
The French flag.
What did the french fry say to the police officer?
Help me! I’ve been a-salted!
What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him?
I have Grey Poupon me.
What does a french sheep say?
Ca ba?
What do you call a French General who charged into battle and died?
Napoleon Blownaparte
What French city always surrenders first?
Toulouse.
Why did the french geologist have to go to the hospital?
He had Gaul stones.
How do French girls hold their liquor?
By the ears.
What do you call a french lesbian?
A tresbien.
How many french men does it take to conquer Paris?
No one knows, it’s never been done.
What is the French version of the name Parker?
Valet.
Why do the French have so many civil wars?
So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)
How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
What do Godot and my wife have in common?
Both are French.
What do French pupils say after finishing their school dinners?
Mercy!
What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a French girl?
You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.
Why do Muslim extremists prefer to drink cappuccino?
Because they hate french press.
Why did the French milkman have to hurry?
He was running lait.
What did the French philosopher say to the vegetable playing poker?
All in, du thyme.
What’s the holiest, French color?
Sacred blue!
Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?
Because in France one egg is un oeuf.
What does a french truck driver shout during Bastille Day?
Have a NICE day!
Why did the french chef go to the police?
Escargot stolen.
What’s an Australian Kiss?
It’s like a French kiss, but down under.
Why is it impossible to say no to french fries with cheese and bacon?
Because it’s a loaded question!
Why don’t the french like kiwifruit?
Because of the green piece inside.
Where do French lawyers like to relax?
The J’accusi.
Why don’t the French enjoy travelling to Northern Ireland?
Because they don’t like the smell of Derry air.
What did the french baker ghost said?
BOO! Langerieeee!
Why don’t French people smile in pictures?
The French word for “cheese” is “fromage”.
What’s common between Canadians and Belgians?
They’re mostly really nice people, but they have the French living there too.
What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?
French press. (Too soon?)
How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn’t French?
It doesn’t have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States.
What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet?
H Edit: I don’t like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn’t get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash.
Why was the French chef sent to prison?
He was convicted of crepe.
Why are there so many French orphans in the fruit isle of the grocery store?
Because they are all looking for their pre.
What do French Business Men use to ice their cakes?
Franchicing.
Why the French police did arrested the Muslim teenager?
Because he was trying to detonate a Samsung Note 7.
How do you get info from a french dude?
You est-ce que question.
How do french thank who save their files?
Merci backup.
How many French words has the Turkish language recently adopted?
Beaucoup.
How do you sink a French battleship?
Put it in water.
How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.
What do French people say when they don’t want to see someone ever again?
Au nevoir.
Why don’t the French have fireworks on Bastille day?
because they would all surrender.
What’s the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?
They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under.
What’s the difference between In-n-Out Burger french fries and League of Legends?
I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.
What did the french chef give his wife on Valentine’s day?
A hug and a little quiche.
What is the difference between an American rabbit and a French rabbit?
The American rabbit goes hippity hop and the French rabbit goes lickety split!
Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?
So they can watch the battle
Why should you torrent only from French sites?
Because it’ll run faster.
What is the most common french saying?
nous abandonnons.”
Why don’t the French need air conditioner?
They use 2-in-1 shampoo.
What do you call a Frenchman in Colorado?
A French Fried.
What do you call the system of honour of French horses?
Chevalry.
Why are French snails faster than American snails?
L’ess cargo.
Final Thoughts
As our comedic journey through French humor draws to a close, we extend our heartfelt gratitude for joining us on this laughter-filled expedition.
Laughter knows no borders, and these French jokes have served as bridges connecting cultures through shared moments of joy.
We invite you to share your thoughts in the comments below, creating a space for collective merriment.
Remember, the magic of humor lies in its ability to bring people together, transcending differences.
Merci for being a part of this joyous exploration, and we look forward to the continuing symphony of shared smiles.
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