Embrace the healing power of laughter as we explore a symphony of humor and heart with the finest collection of heart jokes.
Backed by expert opinions and infused with a variety of genres—from knock-knock giggles to jokes about hearts—our compilation is a testament to the universality of humor.
Recent studies have shown that laughter not only reduces stress but also promotes cardiovascular health, reinforcing the notion that mirth is the best medicine.
Join us in this laughter-filled expedition, where the beats of comedy resonate with the rhythms of the heart.
Best Heart Jokes
Embark on a laughter-filled journey with the crème de la crème of heart jokes. From timeless classics to cutting-edge humor, this collection promises to elevate your mood and tickle your funny bone. Brace yourself for an unforgettable ride through the corridors of heart-related hilarity!
Why are zombies great chefs?
They can REALLY put their heart into things.
Why did the philanthropist go into cardiac arrest?
There were many causes close to his heart.
Why does The Backstreet Boys make a bad cardiac specialist?
Because they’ll tell you it’s nothing but a heartache.
What do they call it in medical school when a cardiology student drops out?
Heart failure.
What did a plumber say to his love interest on Valentine’s Day?
You get my heart pumping.
Why did the cardiologist break up with the nurse?
He just didn’t have the heart for it.
What did the EKG say to the X-ray?
“I’ve got you beat!”
Why did the heart surgeon get lost on the golf course?
He had a cardiac arrest!
Why don’t skeletons play music in the church?
Because they don’t have a heart.
Why did the heart go to school?
To get a degree in cardiovascular science.
What do you call a heart that is always on time?
A cardio-clock.
What did the grape say when the heart offered it a snack?
“I can’t, I’m already in the heart of the matter!”
Why was the heart always lonely?
Because it was a little too atrium.
Why did the heart skip a beat when it saw the cardiologist?
It was love at first sight!
Why did the heart feel lonely?
Because it had a lot of ventricle problems.
Why don’t cardiologists like to eat fast food?
Because it clogs their arteries.
What do you call a heart that always takes things too seriously?
A cardio-serious.
Why did the heart go to the party?
To have a ventricular fibrillation!
What did the cardiologist say to the heart that was acting up?
“You’re giving me palpitations!”
Why did the heart go to the psychiatrist?
It had a lot of emotional baggage.
What do you call a heart that’s always traveling?
A cardio-vascular.
Why did the heart take up knitting?
It wanted to mend its broken valves.
What did the heart say to the lungs?
“You take my breath away!”
Why did the heart stay up all night?
It couldn’t stop beating.
What do you call a group of hearts singing together?
A cardiovascular choir.
Why did the heart get mad at the liver?
Because it was always venting!
What did the heart say when it saw the EKG results?
“That’s a beat!”
Why did the heart break up with the lung?
It just couldn’t breathe anymore.
What do you call a heart that always has to be right?
A cardio-know-it-all.
Why did the heart go to the orchestra?
To hear some cardio-music.
What did the heart say when it got a valentine?
“I’m over the atrium with you!”
Why did the heart go to the art museum?
It wanted to see some cardio-vasculature.
What do you call a heart that’s always in the gym?
A cardio-fitness.
Why did the heart go to the bakery?
It wanted a cardio-croissant.
Funny Heart Jokes
Unleash the power of laughter with our carefully curated funny heart jokes. Join the ranks of those who understand that a good chuckle is the best cardio workout for the soul. Let these jokes be your daily dose of joy, reminding you that a cheerful heart is a healthy heart.
Is there a shade of red that works best for a heart?
Beat red!
What happened to the bear who had heart problems?
It had a Kodiak arrest.
What is the worst thing you can hear during open heart surgery?
Anything.
Have you heard about the guy selling hearts on the black market?
He ended up getting cardiac arrest-ed.
When your heart sinks, what’s the best tool to have?
A Jack of Hearts!
When a cardiology student fails, what do you call it?
Heart failure!
Why did the skeleton not scare trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart!
How can you win a man’s heart the quickest?
His chest.
Why did the pig suffer a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
The dinosaur say to his lover what?
You make my heart saur!
What animal shares the most love?
A heartvaark.
What was the purpose of giving the pig’s girlfriend a heart-shaped box of candy?
It was Valenswine’s Day.
What did the heart say when it was running late?
“Sorry, I’ve been a bit atrioventricular lately.”
Why did the heart go to the beach?
To get a little cardio-sand.
What do you call a heart that’s always on a diet?
A cardio-low-cal.
Why did the heart break up with the stomach?
It just couldn’t digest the relationship.
Knock Knock Heart Jokes
Knock, knock! Who’s there? It’s a heartwarming selection of knock-knock heart jokes that will leave you in stitches. Brace yourself for a door-opening experience to a world where laughter reigns supreme, and every knock brings joy.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Heart.
Heart who?
Heart you glad I came to share a joke?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Valentine.
Valentine who?
Valentine, I think you’re sweet!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cupid.
Cupid who?
Cupid’s arrow struck me, and now I’m falling for you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Artery.
Artery who?
Artery you going to let me in or what?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Heartbeat.
Heartbeat who?
My heartbeat gets faster every time I see you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Love.
Love who?
Love you with all my heart!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cardiologist.
Cardiologist who?
Cardiologist be the key to my heart!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pulse.
Pulse who?
Pulse I met you, my heart has been racing!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aorta.
Aorta who?
Aorta be a special person to hold my heart.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Beets.
Beets who?
Beets me how I ever lived without you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luv.
Luv who?
Luv is where the heart is!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Heartfelt.
Heartfelt who?
Heartfelt greetings to the one who stole my heart!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Vein.
Vein who?
Vein’t you the one I’ve been dreaming of?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Passion.
Passion who?
Passionately in love with you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lovey.
Lovey who?
Lovey-dovey, that’s us!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cher.
Cher who?
Cher-ished moments with you make my heart happy!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sweetheart.
Sweetheart who?
Sweetheart, you make my heart skip a beat!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pulse.
Pulse who?
Pulse I met you, my heart has been complete.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Affection.
Affection who?
Affection is what I feel every time I’m with you.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Smooch.
Smooch who?
Smooch closer, and I’ll tell you I love you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cardio.
Cardio who?
Cardio my way into your heart!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Passionfruit.
Passionfruit who?
Passionfruit-ful moments with you are my favorite!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sweetie.
Sweetie who?
Sweetie, be my Valentine?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Flutter.
Flutter who?
My heart flutters whenever you’re near!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Infinity.
Infinity who?
My love for you is like infinity—never-ending!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cupid.
Cupid who?
Cupid me, but I think you’re the one!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you know how much I love you?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce be together forever!
Heart Jokes One Liners
Short, sweet, and hilariously impactful—our heart jokes one-liners are crafted to deliver maximum humor in minimum words. Get ready to experience the art of concise comedy as we present a barrage of laugh-out-loud moments that fit right into your busy day.
Heart disease is the leading killer in America we need a salt weapon ban.
Winning the hearts and minds of the people an old CCP euphemism for organ harvesting.
Just like a plane, the heart crashes every once in a while.
I think my heart is trying to kill me. It’s clotting against me.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Marriage starts with two hearts and after 20 years you wish you had a club and spade.
You’d think a pirate’s favorite letter is R yet their hearts all belong to the C.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
If only my mean boss would allow personal calls on company time, I’d have phoned an ambulance for him yesterday when he got a heart attack.
A letter to my heart: Dear heart, please stop falling in love, your function is only to pump blood.
Someone said he was making stew with beef but it turned out it was offal.
I don’t like how fast you make my cardiac muscle pump blood through my vascular system.
Follow your heart, but don’t forget to use your brain as well.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Why did the heart go on a diet? It wanted to reduce its waistline.
What did the heart say when it was asked if it had a favorite rapper? I’m a big fan of Cardi O.
Why did the heart go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little atriumphobic.
Why did the heart break up with the liver? It was just too hard to live apart.
How does the heart stay in touch with its friends? It sends heart-to-heart messages.
Why did the heart ask for a raise? It wanted to pump up its salary.
How does the heart greet its friends? With a hearty handshake.
Why did the heart break up with the lungs? They were suffocating together.
How did the heart break up with the liver? It just told it, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
What do you call a heart that’s been caught cheating? A cardiac arrest.
Short Heart Jokes
In the fast-paced rhythm of life, our short heart jokes pack a punch of humor in mere seconds. Perfect for a quick pick-me-up, these jokes prove that brevity is the soul of wit. Get ready to LOL without missing a beat!
How does the heart celebrate Valentine’s Day?
It throws a heart-y party.
Why did the heart decide to become an actor?
It wanted to play a starring role.
How does the heart deal with stress?
It just takes it one beat at a time.
What did the heart say when it was asked if it could do the Macarena?
Of course, I’ve got rhythm in my veins.
Why did the heart break up with the spleen?
It was just too hard to stomach.
How does the heart stay in shape?
It pumps iron.
Why did the heart break up with the brain?
They just couldn’t see eye to eye.
What do you call a heart that’s been hurt by love?
A heart-ache.
How does the heart stay motivated?
It sets cardiovascular goals.
Why did the heart break up with the kidneys?
They were just too kidney-ish.
How does the heart get around town?
It takes the artery express.
What did the heart say when it was asked if it could do the salsa?
I’ve got Latin rhythms in my blood.
Why did the heart break up with the eyes?
They were just too optic for each other.
How does the heart communicate with the brain?
It sends electrical impulses.
Why did the heart break up with the pancreas?
It was just too sweet.
What do you call a heart that’s feeling adventurous?
A heart-throb.
How does the heart stay cool?
It takes a cardio-vascular.
Why did the heart break up with the bladder?
It just couldn’t hold it anymore.
How does the heart stay positive?
It keeps a healthy ventricular attitude.
Dirty Heart Jokes
For the bold humor enthusiasts, our collection of dirty heart jokes takes laughter to the next level. Explore the naughty side of heart-related humor while keeping it lighthearted and entertaining. Get ready for jokes that will make your heart race with laughter.
Having sex while camping is NOT for the faint of heart.
It’s fuckin’ in tents.
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach
unless he’s a vegetarian.
Then you can get there through his vagina.
Dear Women, when a guy calls you hot, he’s looking at your body.
When a guy calls you pretty, he’s looking at your face.
When a guy calls you beautiful, he’s looking at your heart.
All 3 guys still want to fuck you, though.
Did you hear about the masturbating guy with heart disease?
I heard he died of a stroke.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not our fault.
As I looked into her eyes across the candlelit table, I felt my knees go weak, my heart began to race and my stomach turned to butterflies…
That’s when I realized I drugged the wrong glass!
“If you don’t do it you might regret it” said the heart.
“But you might get hurt” spoke the brain.
“We think you should go for it” said the guts.
“Just what the HELL was that?!?” protested the anus.
Man who received pig’s heart has died.
He will be buried on Saturday and eaten later that night.
My friend died of a heart attack while having sex with his wife
At least he died doing what he loved.
“It’s impossible” said Pride. “It’s risky” said Experience.
“It’s pointless” said Reason.
“Give it a try” whispered Heart.
“What the hell is that!” screamed the anus.
What does a brain, a heart, a gut and a penis have in common?
You have to choose which one to listen to in a tough situation.
Heart Jokes for Adults
Indulge in humor tailored for a mature audience with our heart jokes for adults. Crafted with wit and sophistication, these jokes cater to those who appreciate humor with a dash of complexity. It’s time to elevate your laughter quotient.
Why did the heart get arrested?
It was caught stealing hearts.
What did the heart say to the brain?
You think you’re so smart, but I’m the one who keeps you alive.
Why did the cardiologist break up with the electrophysiologist?
There was no spark.
What did the EKG say to the cardiologist?
I’ve got you beat.
What do you call a group of cardiologists?
A tachy-cardia.
Why did the heart refuse to date the spleen?
It thought it was too visceral.
What did the heart say to the stomach?
You’re breaking my heart with all this junk food.
Why did the heart go to the gym?
To work on its cardio.
How does a cardiologist make a point?
They get to the heart of the matter.
Why did the heart cross the road?
To get to the other ventricle.
Why Freddy was called the heartthrob?
He had frequent palpitations.
What was the Irish dancer called after he died?
Michael Flatline.
When the heart was found guilty of stealing, what did the heart police do?
They went into cardiac arrest.
What was the main ingredient of junk food at the stall at the fair?
Heart disease.
What is Bernie called by his friends for his love for dark beer?
A stouthearted.
What is the heart’s favorite shade of red?
It’s beat-red.
Which is the most loving vegetable?
An artichoke, as it has a heart.
What does the man call his girlfriend whom he met on Twitter?
Tweetheart.
Why did Robert fail the medical exam when his right shoulder was X-rayed?
Because he did not put his heart into it.
Why was the musician taken to the hospital right after his performance?
Because he played his heart out in it.
Why did the heart bang the door so many times for permission?
It had palpitations.
What do you call an attack on an organ donation bank?
A heart attack!
Why did Gary send pictures of his heart X-ray to his girlfriend every month?
He wanted to show that his heart is in the right place.
What did the drum say to the drumstick?
My heart beats for you.
Why did the skeleton refuse to propose to his girlfriend?
His heart was not in it.
When do you know you are ready for the game?
The moment when your heart is pumped up.
What is Jack called since he is looking for suitors to marry?
Jack of hearts.
Why was the ghost scared of coming out in the light?
He did not have the heart to do it.
What was the easiest way to reach a man’s heart?
Through his chest.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
It had too much bacon.
Why was the woman searching for a man with a good heart?
Because she needed a heart transplant!
What do you call a film on an organ donation bank?
The Heart Locker.
What are two bakers in love called?
Sweet-hearts.
Why should you remember to take the candles off your cake before you eat it?
You might get heartburn.
What do you call a lover who left his date in the midway of Valentine’s Day?
He is a halfhearted lover.
What did Herbie, the gardener gift his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A heart-beet.
What did the locksmith tell his girlfriend on Valentine’s day?
You have the key to my heart.
Why was Grey’s heart pumping so fast when he met his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
He had tachycardia.
What did the mushroom say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
I have so mushroom for you in my heart.
Why did Karen gift her boyfriend a lettuce plant?
Because it’s all heart.
What did the heart weather girl say to her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day?
My love for you cannot be measured, it is off the ch-hearts.
Why did Lily paint the hearts in her Valentine’s Day card in white?
Because she was feeling lighthearted.
Medical Heart Jokes
Join the ranks of medical mirth as we present a collection of heart jokes that playfully blend humor with scientific insight. From heart murmurs to EKG interpretations, these jokes cater to the medically inclined, proving that laughter is the best medicine.
Why did the cardiologist go broke?
Because he lost his patients!
What did the grape say to the cardiologist?
“Don’t break my heart!”
How do cardiologists stay calm under pressure?
They have a lot of heart!
Why did the heart break up with the liver?
It just couldn’t deal with its excessive drinking!
What do you call a cardiologist who fixes hearts and refrigerators?
A “cool” doctor!
Why did the heart apply for a job?
Because it wanted to make some “artery” money!
What did one heart say to the other?
“You complete me!”
How does a cardiologist flirt?
They say, “Are you aorta be my Valentine?”
Why was the heart always happy?
Because it had a lot of “beats”!
What did the EKG say to the EEG?
“You’re so brainy!”
Why did the heart get an award?
Because it was outstanding in its field!
Why was the heart always on time?
Because it had excellent “timing”!
Why don’t cardiologists play hide and seek?
Because they always get caught “off guard”!
What did one heart surgeon say to the other?
“You’re a cut above the rest!”
Why did the heart fail its math test?
Because it couldn’t find its “valve”!
What’s a heart’s favorite kind of music?
Cardio-beat!
Why did the heart apply for a loan?
It wanted to buy a “ventricle” home!
Why did the heart break up with the lungs?
It just couldn’t breathe anymore!
Why do cardiologists make terrible comedians?
Because they always go for the “heart” of the joke!
What did the heart say to the blood?
“You’re my type!”
Why did the heart go to therapy?
It had too many emotional “bypasses”!
How does the heart send love letters?
With its “cardio-grams”!
What do you call a heart that likes to play cards?
A “cardi-ologist”!
What did one heart say to the other during a race?
“You’ve got a lot of heart, but I’m ventricular!”
Why do cardiologists make terrible soccer players?
They’re always stopping matches for a “cardiac arrest.”
Why did the heart become a musician?
It had a great “rhythm”!
What’s a cardiologist’s favorite type of seafood?
Cardio-lobster!
Why did the heart go to art school?
Because it wanted to learn how to “draw” blood!
What did the heart say to the pacemaker?
“You really set my pulse racing!”
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little “heart” into it!
Why did the heart break up with the esophagus?
It just couldn’t swallow its feelings anymore!
What’s a heart’s favorite sport?
Cardio-vascular!
Why did the heart become an astronaut?
Because it wanted to go to the “spacebar”!
What do you call a heart that’s into heavy metal music?
A “cardio-metallist”!
Broken Heart Jokes
Healing takes time, but laughter can be an excellent remedy. Explore our collection of broken heart jokes, designed to mend spirits and lift your mood. Discover the power of laughter in turning heartaches into heartbreaks.
My girlfriend broke up with me at our favorite date spot. I was so shocked and heartbroken I got up and immediately stormed out the door.
And that’s how I fell off the Ferris wheel.
Why were the star-crossed melons heartbroken?
Because they cantaloupe.
My girlfriend left me today to be with someone who was a dwarf. I’m heartbroken.
I didn’t know she could stoop so low…
I went to clairvoyant today and she told me in 12 years time I will be very sad and heartbroken.
So to cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
I was really heartbroken at my grandfather’s passing yesterday.
He can’t seem to throw the football as hard as he once did.
There are so many Mexicans heartbroken about the pending wall
Let’s hope they get over it soon
I was heartbroken the day OJ Simpson was acquitted…
I’d already picked out which TV I wanted…
I was heartbroken when our tree died and had to be cut down.
I was mourning wood.
When I found out my wife was having an affair, I was heartbroken. I turned to religion to cope.
Now I’m Muslim and we’re stoning her tomorrow.
Just came up with this. Will be heartbroken if it exists
I walked into a brothel last week, the madame looked me up and down and asked if I liked femdom. Boy, she had me pegged
I was heartbroken when I left my tennis-player girlfriend
But unfortunately, we had very different definitions of love.
Today I learned that both my parents (and their families) have a long history of cardiac problems
I’m heartbroken to say the least.
I’ll never forget when my parents sat me down and told me Santa wasn’t real
I was heartbroken…
I’m not sure how I managed to go to work that day!
My therapist told me the best way to get over someone is to replace them with someone else. So I replaced my ex with a bottle of wine. Now I’m crying, but at least I’m happy tears.
What do you call a broken heart after eating too much ice cream?
Ben & Jerry’s Therapy.
My ex said they were leaving me because I was too high maintenance.
I told them, “But I literally just bought you a car!”
What’s the difference between a broken heart and a pizza?
A pizza can get fixed with duct tape.
I went to the library to get a book on heartbreak.
The librarian whispered, “It’s in the self-help section.”
Heart Jokes and Puns
Embark on an adventure as we explore heart jokes and puns that showcase the clever side of humor. These wordplay wonders are bound to make you smile while appreciating the beauty of linguistic jest. Get ready for a pun-filled delight!
Why are two hearts better than one?
Because two hearts can’t be beat.
Why do many patients refuse a needed heart transplant?
They have a change of heart.
What’s the cheesiest pick-up line for bakers to use?
Honey, you have a pizza my heart.
What do you call it when a man gives their woman only half a valentine?
A half-hearted attempt.
Why do many skeletons avoid important medical care?
Their heart isn’t in it.
Why do so many Europeans drink stout beer?
They are naturally stouthearted.
Why do cardiologists refuse to date hematologists?
They’ve learned that such relationships are usually in vein.
Why do the lovelorn often play cards after a breakup?
They are searching for the jack of hearts.
What’s the best car for a heart surgeon to own?
A beater.
Why do some men give their valentines pink rather than red valentines?
Maybe they feel lighthearted about the relationship.
Why do skeletons usually don’t try to scare Trick or Treaters?
They don’t have a heart.
How do you determine the best heart for love?
Look for those whose hearts are beat red.
Why do many musicians wind up in heart surgery?
They play their heart out.
How do they select cardiologists in medical school?
They look for those who are following their heart?
Why do gardeners get all the girls?
They have the biggest beets.
How did the girl know her boyfriend was in love?
He had a huge heart-on.
Why is a brief separation so difficult for couples in love?
Because they can heartly wait to see each other again.
What did the policeman say to his girlfriend?
You’re under cardiac arrest.
Why did the Couple in love go to Las Vegas to gamble?
Because two hearts can’t be beat.
Why did the bodybuilder kiss his girlfriend before posing?
To get pumped up.
Why are locksmiths successful with girls?
Because they have the key to their hearts.
What did the cardiologist say when his sexy patient proposed to him?
Another one that makes me want my heart to beat.
What did the pig say to his girlfriend?
I won’t go bacon your heart.
How men view marriage. It starts with two hearts and after 20 years you wish you had a club and spade.
What did the Octopus say to his girlfriend?
You octopi my heart.
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweet hearts.
What did the otter say to his girlfriend?
I love you like no otter.
Why is it so difficult to fall in love in a museum?
Because you can’t touch the hearts.
Why did the balloon seller have so few successful dates?
Because he always kept things light-hearted.
A teenager asked his guidance counselor for help deciding what he should study. The counselor told him to follow his heart. “Okay,” said the teen, “but what does boom boom, boom boom” mean?
Why do people often get heartburn when eating birthday cake?
They don’t take the candles out first.
Why did the DJ have so many girlfriends?
Because his music was off the charts.
Why did the cardiologist comedian only tell heart jokes?
Because they aren’t corn-orary!
What did the smitten coed say to the Starbucks barista?
I love you a latte.
How do you kill a French Vampire?
Stab it in the heart with a baguette.
Why do cardiologists make great bodybuilders?
They get pumped up easily.
Did you hear about the latest song by a video editor?
It’s called total clips of the heart.
Why is England considered backward?
There are no heart banks but they have a Liverpool.
Why do many scrabble players lack great love affairs?
They have hart but no e.
A pound of bacon and a heart walk into a bar and order a drink but the bartender refuses. Sorry he said, we don’t serve food here.
Why was the grandpa banned from the zoo?
He had the heart of a lion.
You’re playing heart to get.
You have a pizza my heart.
It gets easier, not heart-er.
I’ll never go bacon your heart.
I aorta told you yesterday.
The police caught the heart thief. He was placed under cardiac arrest.
Final Thoughts
As we conclude this laughter-infused journey through heart jokes, we extend an invitation for you to share your favorite jokes in the comments below.
Laughter is a universal language, and together, we can create a space where hearts are lightened, and joy is shared.
Let these jokes about hearts bridge the gaps, fostering connection and camaraderie.
Keep the laughter alive, and may your hearts continue to beat to the rhythm of merriment.
Remember, a hearty laugh is not only the best recipe for a healthy heart but also the secret ingredient for a fulfilling life.
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