We’ve got a treat for you – a whole bunch of jokes about pencils! Yep, you heard it right – pencils can be funny too!
Imagine your regular writing tool but with a side of laughter. We’ve gathered the funniest pencil jokes that will have you smiling in no time.
Together, we’ll explore the quirky side of stationery and unleash waves of laughter. We promise it’s going to be a blast!
Pencils at the ready – it’s joke time!
Best Pencil Jokes
Sharpen your senses for a pencil-packed punch of puns! Our collection of jokes is like a finely sharpened pencil – guaranteed to draw out your laughter strokes.
Why do pencils shave?
To look sharp.
How do pencils exercise?
With a stationary bike.
Why aren’t there more pencil fights?
They usually lead to a draw.
Why did the basketball player bring pencils to the NBA game?
He wanted to draw fouls.
My pencil broke as I tried to draw a rectangle.
Now it’s a wrecked angle.
“Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?”
“Use a pencil until I come to see him.”
I rang to schedule an appointment with the person who does my eyebrows.
She said she could pencil me in.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What do you call a pencil you’ve just thrown out the window?
I don’t know. But it’s certainly not stationary.
What did the North Pole pencil say to the South Pole pencil?
I’m attracted to you!
What do you call a pencil that can’t hold anything up?
A ferrous loser.
What do you call a lazy pencil?
A ferrous slacker.
I went to the store to buy some pencils, but they wouldn’t let me in.
They said I was too sharp!
Did you hear about the kleptomaniac pencil?
It kept stealing paperclips!
Why did the compass needle get arrested?
Because it was playing with stationary objects!
What do you call a pencil that can’t stop talking?
A ferrous chatterbox.
What do you call a pencil that loves to fish?
A ferrous attractor.
What do you call a pencil that loves to dance?
A ferrous jiggler.
What do you call a pencil that’s always cold?
A ferrous brrr.
What do you call a pencil that’s really good at math?
A ferrous calculator.
What do you call a pencil that’s undefeated in a fight?
A ferrous champion.
What do you call a pencil that works in construction?
A ferrous builder.
What do you call a pencil that writes love letters?
A ferrous valentine.
What do you call a pencil that’s always late?
A ferrous procrastinator.
What do you call a pencil that loves to travel?
A ferrous globetrotter.
Funny Pencil Jokes
Gear up for a pencil party like no other! Our funny pencil jokes are here to erase boredom and draw out contagious laughter. Let the comedic sketches begin!
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
It’s pointless.
Why did the pencil win an award?
It was outstanding in its field (of paper)!
What did the detective pencil say to the crime scene?
I’m on the lead of something here.
What do you call a poorly made pencil?
A crummy stub.
What do you call a pencil that’s always borrowing things?
A lead borrower.
I tried to write with a pencil yesterday, but it kept pointing at me.
I guess it was just being sarcastic.
My pencil broke while I was taking a test.
It was a very stressful exam.
A teacher asks the class, “What do you call a line of pencils?”
A paragraph!
A student asks, “Can I borrow your pencil?”
The other student replies, “Sorry, mine is a little dull.” The first student says, “That’s okay, I’m not writing anything important.”
What do you call a forgetful pencil?
A lead-headed friend.
What do you call a grumpy pencil?
A dull soul.
What do you call a competitive pencil?
A sharp dresser with a point to prove.
What do you call a talkative pencil?
A blabbermouth with a point.
What’s a superhero pencil’s name?
Sharpen Man!
What’s a pencil’s superpower?
The ability to leave its mark on the world.
What’s a pencil’s weakness?
A sharpener (it’s their kryptonite!)
What did the scarecrow win an award for?
Because he was outstanding in his field! (Not pencil related, but a classic)
Why did the bicycle fall over
Because it was two tired! (Another silly bonus)
What do you call a clumsy pencil?
A stubby scribbler.
What do you call a mischievous pencil?
A graphite prankster.
What do you call a trendy pencil?
A sharp dresser with a fancy eraser.
Why did the eraser get detention?
Because it was caught rubbing out the answer key!
What do you call a pencil after a long day of writing?
Pointless (and tired).
Why did the pencil cross the notebook?
To get to the other side!
What kind of music do pencils like?
Lead Zeppelin!
What do you call a pencil with a fever?
A hot lead!
Why did the student eat his homework?
He was feeling a little pencil-ed in!
Hilarious Pencil Jokes
Unveil the comedy sketchbook with our hilarious pencil jokes. From witty scribbles to laugh-out-loud strokes, this collection is a masterpiece that will leave you in stitches.
I finally hung up all of my pencil drawings.
But I’m afraid it makes my house look kinda sketchy…
Why don’t blind people sharpen pencils?
They don’t see the point.
What’s the difference between communism and a pencil?
The pencil works on things other than paper.
What did the gunfighter say to the pencil?
Draw!
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot
Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B
Why did the pencil become a philosopher?
It always had a point
What do you call a broken pencil?
Pointless.
Why is the eraser sold separately from the pencil?
Because you have to pay for your mistakes.
I want to design a pencil with an eraser on both ends.
People say it’s pointless though.
A pencil and a scissors are having a debate.
Everytime the pencil make a good point, the scissors get a little snippy.
Did you hear the joke about the unsharpened pencil?
Eh, never mind. There’s no point.
I’ve decided to marry a pencil
I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
Ever hear the joke about the broken pencil?
Well, never mind- it’s pointless.
Where do vampires get their pencils?
Pencilvania!
why did the pencil stink?
…because it was a No. 2
Pencils can be really sharp, but they are still allowed on planes.
That’s because… they needed to draw the line somewhere.
I have the IQ of a pencil without an eraser
I create problems and make someone else clean them up
My wife has been penciling in her eyebrows lately… I think that she draws them a little high, so I told her.
She just looked at me surprised.
I was going to try to post a joke about sharpening pencils in the dark…
But I couldn’t see the point.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B.
I threw a pencil yesterday.
I suppose you could say it wasn’t stationary anymore.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
A pencil isn’t as phallic as a?
pen is.
What do you call a pencil you’ve just thrown out the window?
I don’t know. But it’s certainly not stationary.
A pencil isn’t John Wick’s primary murder weapon.
But it’s definitely number 2.
Pencils that aren’t sharpened are …
Pointless.
I refuse to use a pencil and a ruler on anything but paper…
that’s where I draw the line.
If you were anti-pencil, would you be erasist?
I get aroused when I erase pencil drawings.
In fact, I think I’m gonna rub one out.
Someone stole all the pencils at the police station
Detectives have no leads.
What do you call a pencil sharpener that can’t sharpen pencils?
Broken.
Did you hear about the man who got depressed after he lost his favourite pencil sharpener?
Everything seemed pointless!
A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
A pencil isn’t my favorite writing tool…
…but it’s a solid number 2
What do you call two pencils fighting?
A grafight.
The pencil sharpeners at my school are racist.
They have signs next to them that say “No Colored Pencils”.
When it comes to sharpening pencils, there’s never a dull moment.
Short Pencil Jokes
In the fast lane to funny, our short pencil jokes deliver instant joy. Brace yourself for a quick draw of laughter, where punchlines come as swiftly as a pencil stroke.
Who’s a pencil’s favorite Disney princess?
Ra-pencil.
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.
What did the sharpener say to the pencil?
Looking sharp.
Which pencil smells the worst?
Number 2.
Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pencil-vania.
Which tool do pencils respect the most?
The ruler.
How do you find a lost pencil?
Trace it.
Why can’t you consider pencils as stationery?
They roll.
What did the pencil call its fiancé?
Explore More
What did the pencil say to the other during a debate?
Great point.
Did you hear the story about the broken pencil?
It’s pointless.
What’s a pencil’s favorite streaming platform?
HB-O Max.
What do you say to a pencil that keeps rambling on?
Get to the point.
What do you call a pencil with erasers at both ends?
Pointless.
Why can’t you disagree with a pencil?
It has a point.
What did the pencil say before giving up?
There’s no point.
What does a pencil say when you prove it wrong?
You’re write.
Why can’t you trust artists who use pencils?
They’re shady.
Did you hear about the pencil fight?
It was a draw.
Why did the pencils break up?
It wasn’t meant 2B.
Why shouldn’t you decorate your house with pencils?
It would look sketchy.
What did the pencil say to the sharpener?
My life would be pointless without you.
What’s the funniest writing utensil?
A pun-cil.
Did you hear about the accountant with constipation?
They had to use a pencil because they couldn’t budget.
Why did the pencil fail art class?
It kept drawing a blank.
Why shouldn’t you bring pencils to a basketball game?
It’ll draw fouls.
What happened after Scooby-Doo ate a pencil?
He became 2B-Doo.
Why did the pencil make a fool of itself?
It wasn’t very sharp.
Why did the pencil take dance lessons?
To sharpen its moves.
How did the blunt pencil feel in the morning?
Dull.
How can a pencil make a room darker?
By drawing the curtain.
What did the student say after suddenly breaking their pencil?
I can’t write now.
Why couldn’t the pencil write a check?
It’s broke.
Did you hear about the new pencil with invisible graphite?
I don’t see the point.
What do you call a pencil tip’s perspective?
Its point of view.
Who’s a pencil’s favorite band?
Lead Zeppelin.
Which pencil was a droid in Star Wars?
C-3B-O.
What do you call it when a pen isn’t early or late?
Write on time.
Pencil Jokes One Liners
Welcome to the land of instant laughs! Our pencil jokes one-liners are the comedic espresso shots of humor, delivering quick and witty doses of amusement.
What is a pencil with two erasers called? Pointless.
What happened to the finance guy with constipation? He had to figure it out with a pencil because he could not budget.
When you sharpen a pencil, what do you get? A great point.
I just wanted to make a little quip about a pencil. Whatever, there’s no point.
What did the pencil point say to the eraser? Destroy.
What did the pencil say to the doctor? “I can’t go number 2!”
Why did the pencil use the restroom? It was number 2!
What state do pencils like to visit? Of course it is pencil-vania.
Why do mathematicians rarely experience constipation? They can always use a pencil to figure it out if things get difficult.
What did the gunfighter say to the pencil in a match? Draw!
People who draw with pencils are hard for me to trust. They are shady.
An assortment of pencils believed to have belonged to Shakespeare has been discovered. They are so completely chewed up on the ends that we can’t tell if they are 2B or not 2B.
What happened to the pencil that was hurt in prison? Mid-sentence, it broke.
What is the connection between John Wick and mathematicians? They are able to solve any issue with a pencil.
What did the sharper say to the pencil? Why don’t you come close? I need to make a point.”
What did the pencil say to the other pencil? “Hey, you look sharp.”
The comedian asked the audience, ” have you heard the pencil joke yet?” The crowd responded, “No.” The comedian said, ” that’s good, there is no point.”
I don’t like pencil drawings of dark alleys. Too sketchy
Today’s my husband’s birthday and he’s a huge pencil enthusiast. I got him a great gift, seems like someone’s gonna get lead tonight.
Why does a pencil never takes it´s medicine? Because then it would be a penchealthy.
Who is in charge of the pencil box? The ruler
Have you heard the story of the blunt pencil? It’s got no point
Failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil. It wasn’t 2b.
I’ve decided to marry a pencil. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
A pencil isn’t John Wick’s primary murder weapon. But it’s definitely number 2.
I’m going to stop calling them “pencil sharpeners”, And start calling them “pencil shorteners”. We’ll see how long my family can take it
My new pencil sharpener came with a good set of instructions. It was full of useful pointers.
Did you hear about the artist who gave up on his uncompleted drawing after accidentally breaking his pencil? Apparently, there was no point to continue drawing the picture
Road trip – why did the Dad tell the kids to take out their pencil and pad? The sign said Draw bridge.
I have been making pencil sketches of my family and it’s not exciting at all. Back to the drawing, bored
Why did the pencil smell so bad? It was a #2
I’ve been trying to solve a complicated maths question to take my mind off my constipation. Today, using only a pencil and sheer determination… I finally worked it out.
My friend bought a microscopically precise pencil sharpener. I don’t see the point.
Why should you bring a pencil sharpener to every class? So you always get the point!
Do you know who won when the Pencil Rugby Club played the Pen Rugby Club? Neither, it was a draw.
Looking for a pencil, I asked in the local shop if they keep stationery. Chap said “I move around a bit”.
A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first? Her eye sight
I was going to try to post a joke about sharpening pencils in the dark… But I couldn’t see the point.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget so he had to work it out with a pencil.
Clean Pencil Jokes
Laugh with abandon, knowing our clean pencil jokes leave no room for concerns. These witty gems are polished and family-friendly, ensuring a joyful and guilt-free experience.
Did you hear about the notebook who married the pencil?
She finally found Mr. Write.
What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!
What is a pencil’s favorite sport?
Diving (the pencil dive)!
A pencil isn’t my favorite writing tool.
But it’s a solid number 2.
Did you hear the joke about broken pencil?
Probably not, it is pointless.
What did the pencil say to the paper?
I dot my i’s on you!
How does a pencil hire their workers?
He appoints them.
Why did the pencil get a speeding ticket?
He had a lead foot!
What did one pencil say to the other pencil?
You’re looking sharp.
What did the math book tell the pencil?
I have a lot of problems.
Why do Grizzlies break their pencils?
They BEAR down too heard!
Where did the pen go for holiday?
He went to pencil-vania.
Which colored pencil is the sharpest?
Red, because it can draw blood.
Have you read the article about broken pencils?
The reviewers said it’s pointless and lead on for too long.
What did the pen say to the pencil?
So, what’s your point!
Why do influencers always carry a pencil?
To draw attention.
Why was the pencil brought in for questioning?
Because they thought he was sketchy.
My mom hung up all of my pencil drawings
It kinda makes my house look sketchy.
Why did the eraser on the end of the pencil feel like giving up?
Because it couldn’t see the point.
Why don’t paper, pens. and pencils walk around?
Because they’re stationary.
Why was the pencil lumbering?
Its feet were full of lead.
Dirty Pencil Jokes
If you’re up for some adult humor, check out these slightly naughty pencil jokes. Just a heads up – they’re a bit more daring than the rest!
I keep reading pencils as penis.
Guess I’m dickslexic.
A doctor, while on rounds at the hospital, notices an intern looking at him strangely.
The intern says, “Doctor, you have a thermometer tucked behind your ear.”
The doctor pulled the thermometer from behind his ear, looked at it and exclaimed, “Damn it, some asshole’s got my pencil!”
I found this history text book from 1873 at a flea market today, and it’s super old school.
On page 23, there is a thing that says “look on page 150” in pencil in the top margin.
So I go to page 150 and the guy had written “you are a fool for looking”.
Fuckin got me bro. Trolled me 143 years in the future good for him.
Pencil Jokes for Adults
Partake in a cultivated evening of laughter with our pencil jokes tailored for the adult demographic. Crafted with a nuanced touch, these jokes resonate with a mature sense of humor.
Why did the pencil go to therapy?
It had too many “un-erasable” issues!
What do you call a pencil that can’t stop talking about itself?
Ego-“lead”-tical!
Why was the pencil so bad at making friends?
It kept drawing them away!
How does a pencil apologize?
It says, “I’m sorry if I drew you the wrong way!”
What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
“You’re really on point today!”
Why don’t pencils ever go on vacation?
They’re afraid of getting “drawn” away from their work!
What’s a pencil’s favorite music genre?
Rock and “scroll”!
Why was the pencil always in a hurry?
Because it was trying to “sketch” in some extra time!
How did the pencil feel after a long day of drawing?
It was “drawn” out!
What’s a pencil’s favorite type of movie?
A “sketchy” one!
Why did the pencil get a parking ticket?
It refused to budge from the no-parking zone, it couldn’t erase its mistake!
How do you organize a space party?
You planet with a pencil, everyone knows the moon is sharp tonight!
I have a broken pencil I can lend you.
Ah, never mind, it’s pointless.
Why did the pencil keep falling over?
It was feeling a little tipsy.
How do you know when a pencil is done with its work?
It’s ready to #2-dle off!
What’s a pencil’s favorite thing to wear?
A shirt with a pocket protector, of course!
Did you hear about the pencil who got into a fight with his eraser?
He ended up getting rubbed out.
Why did the pencil go on vacation?
To get some much-needed graphite time!
What do you call it when two pencils have an argument?
A sharp disagreement.
Pencil Jokes for Kids
Hey there, young artists! Dive into a colorful adventure with our pencil jokes crafted exclusively for kids. They’re as vibrant and fun as a box of freshly sharpened colored pencils.
Why was the pencil always broke?
Because it couldn’t get its point across!
What do you call a pencil that can’t stop telling jokes?
A real “pencil-case” of humor!
Why did the pencil refuse to write with its left hand?
Because it was “write-handed”!
How do you know when a pencil is feeling blue?
It’s feeling “lead”-down!
Why did the pencil go on a diet?
It wanted to be slim and “sharp”!
What do you get when you cross a pencil with a rock?
A “hard-point”!
Why did the pencil get promoted at work?
It had a “write” attitude!
What do you call a nervous pencil?
A “quivering quill”!
Why did the pencil get detention?
It couldn’t stop “drawing” attention to itself!
How do pencils get their messages across?
They “lead” by example!
Why do pencils make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are too “pointed”!
What’s a pencil’s favorite type of music?
“Sharp” melodies!
How do pencils like to travel?
On a “lead” foot!
What did the pencil say to the notebook?
“You complete me!”
Why did the pencil go to school early?
To get a “point” ahead!
What do you call a pencil that’s always daydreaming?
A “wanderlust pencil”!
Why did the pencil join the race?
To prove it was the “write” contender!
How do pencils stay cool in the summer?
They relax in the “shade” of their cap!
Pencil Jokes and Puns
Venture into the realm of cleverness with our pencil jokes and puns. These jokes are not just ordinary; they’re like a graphite masterpiece, adding punny strokes to your day.
What do you call a writing utensil that can’t make decisions? – An indecisive pen (pencil’s pen pal!)
Why did the ruler get arrested? – Because it was caught measuring other people’s space!
What did the stapler say to the paperclip? – I’ll hold you to anything!
Why did the pencil go to therapy? It had too many issues with drawing conclusions.
What’s a pencil’s favorite dance? The twist, because it always leaves a mark!
Why are pencils terrible at making decisions? They’re always on the fence!
How do you make a pencil laugh? Ticklish graphite!
Why did the pencil get an award? It drew a lot of attention!
How do pencils stay in shape? They do a lot of sharpening exercises!
What’s a pencil’s favorite fruit? The pineapple, because it has a lot of points!
Why did the pencil break up with the eraser? It felt the relationship was too rough.
What’s a pencil’s favorite horror movie? The Sketch of the Opera.
How do you fix a broken pencil? With a pencil sharpener, it’s a point of no return!
What do you call a pencil that can sing? A #2 sharp major!
Why did the pencil join a band? It wanted to draw a larger audience!
How do pencils apologize? They make amends.
What did the pencil say to the paper during an argument? “I draw the line here!”
Why was the pencil always in trouble? It kept getting into sketchy situations!
What’s a pencil’s favorite mode of transportation? A pencil sharpener, it gets the point across!
What do you call a pencil that can do math? A number 2 pencil.
How do you catch a squirrel with a pencil? Draw a square and wait!
Final Thoughts
In a nutshell, these pencil jokes are your go-to remedy for banishing the blues.
Life is too short for dull moments, and these jokes are your ticket to a vivid, laughter-filled existence.
Grab your artistic spirit, and let these jokes be your muse. Together, we can create a masterpiece of laughter.
Did any of these jokes about pencils strike a chord with your sense of humor? Share your thoughts and drop your favorite joke in the comments.
Until next time, let the laughter echo!
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