Hey, awesome people!
Today’s agenda: make you laugh with some raccoon jokes in this article.
We’ve curated the funniest, quirkiest tales that showcase the lighter side of these masked creatures.
These jokes about raccoons are the mood-lifter you didn’t know you needed. Trust us, after reading these jokes, you’ll wonder how you ever lived without them!
Let the laughter begin!
Best Raccoon Jokes
In this curated collection, we present the best raccoon jokes—remarkable in wit and humor. Prepare for an elevated experience of comedic excellence.
Why did the raccoon cross the road?
To get to the Fred Meyer’s to buy some dish detergent.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite color?
Trash can’t decide
How many limbs does a raccoon have?
Depends on how fast you saw it.
Why don’t raccoons brush their teeth?
Because it would look like they had rabies.
What do you call a suspicious raccoon?
A bandit on the prowl.
A raccoon walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we don’t serve your kind here!” The raccoon replies, “But I just want a drink!”
The bartender shrugs, “Alright, but only one. We don’t want any trash pandas causing a ruckus.”
Situational Raccoon Shenanigans:
Why did the homeowner leave his porch light on all night?
To keep the raccoons up all night looking for the switch.
A mama raccoon is scolding her kits. “How many times do I have to tell you, don’t steal shiny objects from humans!
They call the police!”
A raccoon is trying to open a dumpster lid. Another raccoon walks by and says, “Having trouble?”
The first raccoon sighs, “Yeah, this one has a childproof lock.”
How many raccoons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they prefer the darkness for their thievery.
What do you call a group of raccoons arguing over a hot dog?
A trash talk show.
What did the raccoon say when he got caught stealing from a bird feeder?
“Hey, I’m just here for the seeds, not the gossip!”
Why did the raccoon get detention?
He got caught picking pockets in the cafeteria.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite video game?
Racoon City Rampage.
What do you call a raccoon who always follows the rules?
A lawful bandit.
What do you call a raccoon who’s always tired?
A washy panda.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a master negotiator?
A trash panda diplomat.
What do you call a raccoon who loves to party?
A masked marauder with a hangover.
What do you call a raccoon who’s always optimistic?
A glass-half-full trash panda.
What’s a raccoon’s superpower?
The ability to open any latch with tiny, nimble hands.
What sound does a flying raccoon make?
“Racooooooonnnnn!”
What’s the difference between a raccoon and a politician?
A raccoon eventually lets go of the trash.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
Why did the raccoon get kicked out of school?
He couldn’t resist using.
Funny Raccoon Jokes
Engage in a refined display of amusement with these meticulously crafted raccoon jokes. This assortment promises wit and levity, providing an elevated humor experience.
Why did the raccoon get kicked out of the band?
Because he kept stealing all the sheet music
What do you call a raccoon who wins a spelling bee?
A champion trash panda.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite movie?
“Raiders of the Lost Garbage.”
What do you call a well-dressed raccoon?
A masked marauder in a tux.
How much does a raccoon make stealing corn?
Not a kernel!
A police officer pulls a raccoon over. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
The officer asks. The raccoon shrugs, “No idea, officer. But I can tell you I haven’t slept a wink all night searching for my tail lights!”
A raccoon breaks into a camper and starts rummaging through the cooler.
A tourist wakes up and yells, “Hey! Get out of there!” The raccoon pauses, “Relax, buddy, I’m just looking for the ‘uncrustables.'”
Two raccoons are fighting over a trash can lid. A wise old owl hoots, “Why don’t you just share?”
The raccoons glare at the owl, “Sharing is for communists!”
A family is setting up a backyard campout. The little girl asks, “Mommy, will raccoons steal our marshmallows?”
The mom replies, “Don’t worry, honey. They prefer the smores.”
A raccoon is trying to pick a lock. Another raccoon walks by and asks, “What are you doing?”
The first raccoon whispers, “Shh! I’m following my dream of becoming a lock-pick.”
What do you call a raccoon who’s a neat freak?
A meticulous masked bandit.
What do you call a raccoon who’s always late?
A fashionably feral friend.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a master chef?
A gourmet garbage gourmand.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a fitness fanatic?
“The” fit bandit.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite board game?
Trash Can Takeout.
What would a raccoon wear to a costume party?
A human disguise (probably poorly put together).
What’s a raccoon’s favorite lullaby?
“Hush Little Trash Panda.”
What do you call a group of raccoons stealing grapes?
A bunch of bandits!
Hilarious Raccoon Jokes
Engage in a comedic experience of unparalleled hilarity. These raccoon jokes, marked by their extraordinary wit, promise an infusion of joy into the discerning reader’s sensibilities.
Why did the raccoon need glasses?
Because he couldn’t see very well in the dark… age.
What do you call a raccoon self-help book?
“Masking Your Midnight Munchies.”
What sound does a confused raccoon make?
“Huh? Where’d the trash can lid go?”
What’s a raccoon’s favorite board game?
“Chutes and Ladders… to the Dumpster.”
What do you call a raccoon who’s bad at keeping secrets?
A blabbermouth bandit.
A family is having a picnic. A raccoon sneaks up and grabs a sandwich. The dad yells, “Hey!”
The raccoon throws the sandwich back and says, “Sorry, I thought it was a UFO!”
Two raccoons are arguing over a hot dog. A cop pulls up. “What’s the problem here?”
The raccoons yell in unison, “He started it!”
A raccoon is caught stealing from a bird feeder. The homeowner yells, “Get out of here!”
The raccoon winks, “Don’t worry, I only take the stale ones. Gotta keep the birdies healthy!”
A tourist sees a raccoon rummaging through a trash can. “Wow, that’s amazing!
Are those raccoons native to this area?” The local replies, “Nope, they just follow the tourists.”
What do you call a raccoon who’s a tech whiz?
A digital bandit (probably hacking into security cameras to find the best snacks).
What do you call a nervous raccoon?
A jittery bandit.
What’s a raccoon’s ultimate power?
The ability to unlock anything with their nimble paws.
What’s a raccoon’s weakness?
Anything shiny.
What’s the difference between a raccoon and a comma?
A comma can’t steal your cookies.
How many raccoons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Depends on how much trash they find in the process.
Why did the raccoon cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call a group of raccoons singing karaoke?
A trash panda chorus.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a doctor
Dr. Bandit.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a lawyer?
A masked marauder with a brief.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a politician?
A trash panda with a promise.
What do you call a raccoon who writes bad jokes?
A corny bandit.
Short Raccoon Jokes
Efficiency meets amusement in this collection of succinct raccoon jokes. Each jest is tailored for brevity without compromising humor.
What do you call a raccoon with a law degree?
A trash-talking attorney.
Why are raccoons excellent bankers?
They always handle the “coons” well.
What do you get if you cross a raccoon and a dog?
A trash hound!
How do raccoons keep their fur in shape?
They use paw-lates.
What do you call a raccoon with a helicopter?
A coon-copter.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite genre of music?
Hip-hop.
How do raccoons pay for things?
With raccoon currency, of course—trash and treasure!
Why did the raccoon bring a suitcase to the party?
It wanted to pack up and go home with all the
Why do raccoons make terrible detectives?
They always wash their hands before investigating a crime scene!
What did the raccoon say to the garbage can?
“I’ve got my eye on you!”
How do raccoons get to work?
On the garbage truck!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite type of computer?
A trash-ter.
How do raccoons keep their food cold?
They store it in the “ice-coon.”
Why did the raccoon bring a pen and paper to the forest?
It wanted to draw some attention.
What did the raccoon say to the comedian?
“You’re trash-tastically funny!”
Why did the raccoon start a detective agency?
It heard there was a lot of “raccoon-siderate” crime in the area.
Why are raccoons so good at poker?
They always have a few masks up their sleeves.
How do raccoons keep their secrets?
They lock them in the trash can.
What do you call a raccoon magician?
Houdini-mask.
Why did the raccoon bring a backpack to the picnic?
It wanted to pack up and leave with all the goodies.
How do raccoons communicate in the wild?
They use trash-tal signals.
What did one raccoon say to the other about their favorite movie?
“It was a real trash-terpiece!”
Raccoon Jokes One Liners
Experience the epitome of succinct humor with these raccoon jokes in one-liner form. Wit delivered in its most concise and impactful form.
Why did the raccoon bring a flashlight to the party? It wanted to liven up the night with some trashy dance moves.
What do you call a stylish raccoon? A trendcoon.
Why did the raccoon join a band? It had a knack for playing the trash cymbals.
How do you know if a raccoon has been using your computer? The trash bin is always full.
Why did the raccoon become an artist? It loved creating masterpieces out of trash.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite sport? Garbage can basketball.
What do you call a group of raccoons playing music? The trashy symphony.
How do raccoons stay up to date with the latest news? They read the trash-paper.
What did the raccoon say to the chef? “Your trash is my treasure.”
How do raccoons get around town? On the garbage truck, of course!
What do you call a raccoon with a degree in engineering? A trashnologist.
Why did the raccoon bring a suitcase to the picnic? It was ready to pack up all the leftovers.
How do raccoons express love? With garbage hugs and trashy kisses.
Why are raccoons so good at hide and seek? They always find the perfect mask.
How do raccoons apologize? They say, “I’m sorry for being a little trashy.”
Why did the raccoon become a chef? It wanted to create the ultimate garbage cuisine.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite movie genre? Trashy romance.
How do raccoons make important decisions? They flip a garbage lid.
Why did the raccoon break up with the garbage can? It found someone else who was more “bin”teresting.
What did one raccoon say to the other about their favorite song? “It’s a real trash-topper!”
How do raccoons stay organized? They use trash bins and garbage bags.
Why did the raccoon start a podcast? It had a lot of trashy stories to share!
Clean Raccoon Jokes
Indulge in humor devoid of questionable content with these clean raccoon jokes. Tasteful and unblemished amusement for a wide audience.
Why did the raccoon go to the gym?
To get strong enough to open the garbage cans!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to read?
A bookworm!
Why did the raccoon go to the dentist?
To get his teeth cleaned!
What do you call a group of raccoons playing instruments?
The Trash Panda Band!
Why did the raccoon go to the spa?
To get a fur-do!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to cook?
A chef-ron!
Why did the raccoon go to the bank?
To invest in some trash stocks!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to dance?
A boogie-pants!
Why did the raccoon go to the doctor?
To get a check-up and a shot!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to tell jokes?
A comedy-con!
Why did the raccoon go to the beach?
To catch some rays…and crabs!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to play soccer?
A goal-scorer!
Why did the raccoon go to the amusement park?
To ride the Ferris wheel…and steal some food!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to knit?
A yarn-thief!
Why did the raccoon go to the zoo?
To visit his relatives!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to act?
A thespian-nator!
Why did the raccoon go to the circus?
To join the acrobatics act!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to paint?
An artist-ocrat!
Why did the raccoon go to the museum?
To learn about ancient Egypt…and steal some artifacts!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to sing?
A croon-ster!
Why did the raccoon go to the golf course?
To retrieve some lost balls…and eat them!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to write?
A scribe-ner!
Why did the raccoon go to the arcade?
To play video games…and steal some quarters!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to run?
A marathon-man!
Why did the raccoon go to the coffee shop?
To order a latte…and steal some pastries!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to swim?
A fish-finger!
Why did the raccoon go to the school?
To learn about fractions…and steal some lunch money!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to ski?
A slope-hound!
Why did the raccoon go to the restaurant?
To order some take-out…and steal some tips!
What do you call a raccoon who loves to play hide-and-seek?
A masked-bandit!
Dirty Raccoon Jokes
For those with a penchant for humor with an edge, our collection of dirty raccoon jokes ventures into the realm of more mature content. Proceed with awareness of the intended audience.
Why was the raccoon charged with a crime?
He was caught looting.
Why did the raccoon become a vegetarian?
He found out that “meat” wasn’t his thing.
Where does a raccoon keep its money?
In its wisdom pouch.
What do you call a raccoon with a pepperoni in its front paws?
A cat-burglar.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite sport?
Muzzlebone football.
Raccoon Jokes for Adults
For enthusiasts of humor with a more daring edge, these raccoon jokes delve into a realm of cheekiness. A discerning choice for those who appreciate humor with a mature inclination.
Why did the raccoon get kicked out of the bar?
Because he kept hitting on the waitress with his “masked proposition.”
What’s a raccoon’s favorite dating app?
“Tinderbox.”
What do you call a raccoon with a gambling problem?
A compulsive trash panda.
What do you call a group of raccoons partying in a frat house?
A masked marauder mosh pit.
How do you know a raccoon is lying?
Its lips are moving and there’s a half-eaten hot dog in its hand.
A police officer pulls over a raccoon driving a stolen shopping cart. The officer asks, “License and registration, please.” The raccoon shrugs, “Uh oh, busted.
I knew I shouldn’t have parked in the handicap spot.”
A raccoon breaks into a house and heads straight for the liquor cabinet. The homeowner confronts him. The raccoon holds up a bottle of whiskey, “Hey, relax, I’m just here for a nightcap.
You wouldn’t happen to have any mixers, would you?”
Two raccoons are fighting over a half-eaten pizza. A cop pulls up. “Alright, break it up!”
The raccoons glare, “He started it! He took the last pepperoni!”
A tourist sees a raccoon passed out next to a tipped-over trash can.
“Wow, that’s crazy! Do raccoons get drunk often?” The local replies, “Only on garbage collection day.”
What do you call a raccoon who’s a ladies’ man (and not very picky)?
An equal opportunity bandit.
What do you call a grumpy raccoon?
A curmudgeonly bandit.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a conspiracy theorist?
A tinfoil trash panda who believes aliens are stealing all the good scraps.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a criminal mastermind?
The kingpin of the masked marauders.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a notorious gambler?
High Roller.
What’s a raccoon’s ultimate superpower?
The ability to disappear with a whole pizza box faster than you can say “Mamma Mia.”
Why did the adult film star get kicked out of her raccoon costume?
Because she kept getting arrested for indecent exposure… of trash.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a ladies’ man?
A charming bandit with a bit of a stench.
What do you call a raccoon who’s a millionaire?
A trash tycoon with a shady past.
What do you call a group of raccoons singing karaoke after a night out?
A “Raunchy Panda Chorus” belting out questionable tunes.
Raccoon Jokes for Kids
Enjoy wholesome and age-appropriate raccoon jokes that balance innocence and amusement. These jokes provide delightful comedic relief for young enthusiasts.
What do you call a raccoon with a sweet tooth?
A candy-coon!
Why did the raccoon bring a backpack to school?
To pack a lunch of leftovers!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite game at the playground?
Hide and squeak!
How do you invite a raccoon to a party?
Send it a trash-tastic invitation!
Why did the raccoon go to school early?
It wanted to be at the head of the trash.
What do raccoons use to clean their hands?
Trash-wipes!
Why did the raccoon become a musician?
It had a talent for playing the garbage-can drums!
How does a raccoon answer the phone?
With a “Hello, this is trash-talking!”
What did the raccoon say to its friend before the picnic?
“Let’s pack a pawsome lunch!”
How do raccoons keep their fur looking good?
They use a brush with trash-tastic bristles!
Why do raccoons love computers?
They can’t resist the mouse!
What do you call a raccoon with a cape?
Trash-raccoon, the superhero of the night!
How do raccoons communicate in the forest?
With trash-hoots and garbage-chirps!
What did the little raccoon say to its mom?
“I’m ‘raccoon’ a little wild today!”
Why did the raccoon become a comedian?
It loved making everyone laugh with its trashy jokes!
How does a raccoon get to school?
On the school bus, of course!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite school supply?
A trash-marker!
Why do raccoons love playing in the leaves?
It’s the best place to find hidden treasures!
How do raccoons express excitement?
They say, “This is pawsitively thrilling!”
What’s a raccoon’s favorite dance move?
The trash-can shuffle!
Why did the raccoon bring a ladder to the library?
It heard the books were on the top shelf!
What did the teacher raccoon say to its students?
“Pay attention, class, this lesson is garbage-ly important!”
How does a raccoon make a sandwich?
With lots of “paws”itively delicious toppings!
What do you call a raccoon that can play the piano?
A prodigycoon!
Why did the raccoon bring a pillow to the movie?
It wanted to be comfy during the trashy scenes!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite bedtime story?
“Trash Panda and the Three Bins.”
How do raccoons keep their ears warm in winter?
With trash-muffs!
What did the raccoon say when it aced the test?
“I’m at the top of the trash in my class!”
Raccoon Jokes and Puns
Delight in language play with these raccoon jokes and puns. A fusion of clever wordplay and humor in a nuanced and engaging package.
What do you call a group of musical raccoons? A bandit!
Why did the raccoon become a detective? He had a natural talent for finding masked criminals!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite game? Hide and squeak!
Why did the raccoon bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
What do you call a raccoon with a black belt in karate? Kung Fu-r!
How do raccoons keep their food fresh? They use cling-raccoon wrap!
Why did the raccoon break up with his girlfriend? She was always going through his trashy past!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite type of music? Trash metal!
Why did the raccoon bring a suitcase to the tree? He was going on a procyonidcation!
What do you get when you cross a raccoon with a dog? A masked barker!
How do raccoons communicate in the dark? They use night-vision masks!
Why did the raccoon bring a ladder to the comedy show? He wanted to reach the high-paw comedy!
Why are raccoons excellent at poker? They always keep a straight face under their masks!
What do you call a raccoon with a sweet tooth? A candy masked bandit!
Why did the raccoon become a chef? He had a knack for creating trashy dishes!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite type of TV show? Mask-terChef!
Why did the raccoon start a gardening club? He wanted to grow his own garbage!
How do raccoons celebrate their birthdays? With a trash bash!
What do you call a raccoon that can sing? A croonercoon!
Why did the raccoon join a circus? He wanted to show off his incredible trash-crobatics!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite movie? The Masked Avenger!
How do raccoons like to relax? With a trash-nap!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite subject in school? Mask-ematics!
Why did the raccoon go to therapy? He had too many emotional garbage issues!
How do raccoons keep in touch with each other? They use trash talk!
Why did the raccoon start a blog? He wanted to share his trashy thoughts with the world!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite sport? Dumpster diving!
How do raccoons greet each other? They say, “Masked to meet you!”
What’s a raccoon’s favorite type of car? A maske-racer!
Final Thoughts
Well, my fellow joke enthusiast, we’ve officially reached the end of our raccoon jokes marathon.
These jokes about raccoons are like good vibes in your pocket; consider these like golden tickets to a world of whimsy.
But before you go, I want to hear from you – which raccoon joke resonated with your sense of humor?
Your thoughts, your favorite, or even your own raccoon joke contributions are more than welcome.
Let’s turn this conclusion into a raccoon-themed laugh fest in the comments – because laughter shared is laughter doubled!
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