Unlock the secret to genuine belly laughs with the best toilet jokes!
Recent studies from humor experts at esteemed universities echo this sentiment, highlighting the profound impact of humor on our daily lives.
Jokes about toilet, whether clean or daringly dirty, possess an unparalleled ability to spark joy and camaraderie.
This comprehensive compilation curates the finest toilet jokes, catering to every taste, ensuring a steady supply of amusement for your moments of repose.
Let’s dig right into them.
Best Toilet Jokes
Embark on a laughter spree with the funniest toilet jokes! Expert-curated, these jokes about toilets promise gut-busting hilarity, perfect for livening up any gathering or lightening the mood.
Why does the Pakistani prefer the toilet over making love to his wife?
The hole is tighter, and the smell is better.
Frenchman in a hotel.
A french man calls the room service and asks for some “pepper”.
“Well … would you like some white pepper or black pepper?” asks the receptionist.
“Toilet pepper.”
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To reach the bottom.
Terrible joke, came to me on the toilet early, but I had to say it. And it’s also likely be told in some form before.
What did Euler find in his toilet?
A natural log.
What did people say when the inventor of the Dry Erase Board showed off his new invention?
That’s Remarkable!
A wife texts her husband
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If
you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you
are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
Annoying husband
Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet…
Husband says: How does that help?
Wife says: I use your Toothbrush…..
I renamed my toilet form John to Jim the other day-
-that way, I can tell people that I wake up and go to the Jim every morning.
Someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet.
Right now the cops have nothing to go on.
Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
Oh. So it’s you then.
Several toilets were stolen last night.
Police say they have nothing to go on.
A drunk enters…
…a confessional booth. The priest is waiting for the sinner to speak up, but the drunk doesn’t say a word. After a while the priest coughs… nothing… he coughs again… nothing. The priest was patient until now, but enough is enough: he starts b**… on the wooden grid. The drunk finally speaks up:
“You’re knocking to no avail, buddy… there ain’t any toilet paper here either…”
What does the president of Russia call his toilet?
Vladimir’s p**… Tin
Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?
Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.
My daughter’s boyfriend came round.
“Don’t even think about having s**… with her,” I told him, while she was in the toilet.
“OK, sir. I understand,” he panicked.
“Good,” I replied, “I wouldn’t want you to be as disappointed as I was.”
Funny Toilet Jokes
Need a good chuckle? Dive into a world of amusing toilet jokes! From witty observations to clever wordplay, these jokes will have you in stitches, proving that humor indeed knows no bounds, even in the loo.
I suspect that my son has been flushing his blunts down the toilet.
No wonder my water bill is so high.
New bathroom I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.
What a loo.
Why does Karl Marx’s toilet play music every time you flush it?
Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.
I got so mad at these uncomfortable wooden shoes that I tried to flush them down the toilet.
Worst clog ever.
Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats?
It happened last week and the cops still don’t have anything to go on.
In Holland you aren’t allowed to flush children down the toilet.
Too many clogs.
Sir John Harrington, inventor of the modern flush toilet is well remembered for two reasons: Number 1 and Number 2.
I complimented the toilet. It flushed.
Mum, can I lick the bowl?
No! Flush the toilet like everyone else.
My wife left me because I never put the toilet seat down.
To be fair, I don’t know why I started carrying it around with me in the first place.
How will we truly reach gender equality?
By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.
The police station was burglarized. The burglars stole the toilet seat.
Police have nothing to go on.
I stole a toilet seat from a police station once, and they never figured out it was me.
They had nothing to go on.
What’s comforting and scary at the same time?
A warm toilet seat.
Wanted: A man has been stealing toilet seats from all the police precincts.
Currently the police have nothing to go on.
Get AIDS from a toilet seat A patient says, Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat?
The doctor replies, Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up.
My girlfriend told me to go put the toilet seat down…
So I walked in the bathroom, looked at the toilet seat and yelled “you’re worthless and no one likes you!”
Someone stole all the toilet seats at the station!
Authorities have nothing to go on.
Hilarious Toilet Jokes
Unearth the most uproarious toilet jokes! These knee-slapping quips and puns, vetted for their side-splitting quality, promise to transform your bathroom breaks into giggle-fests.
What’s a toilet’s favorite type of music?
Jazz, because it’s all about the “movement”!
What’s a toilet’s favorite game?
Hide and streak!
Why did the toilet paper go to school?
It wanted to get a little more “knowledgeable”!
Why did the toilet attend the comedy club?
It heard the jokes were really “potty”-ful!
How does a toilet flirt?
It gives you a little “wink”!
How does a toilet apologize?
It says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so flushed with emotion!”
What do you call a toilet that’s always on time?
Punctual bowel!
Why was the toilet embarrassed?
It saw the plumber’s crack!
What did one toilet say to the other during an argument?
“You’re really draining!”
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the bottom!
What did the toilet say to the tissue?
“I feel wiped when you’re not around!”
Why did the toilet go to therapy?
It had too many flushing issues!
How does a toilet paper celebrate its birthday?
With a “roll” party!
What did the toilet say to the faucet?
Stop running, you’re making me nervous!
What’s a toilet’s favorite superhero?
The Flush!
Why did the toilet break up with the bathtub?
It felt they were going down the drain!
How does a toilet express surprise?
It exclaims, “Oh, bowl me over!”
Why was the toilet blushing?
It saw the plumber working with a pipe wrench!
Why did the toilet bring a notebook to the bathroom?
It wanted to take notes during the “business” meeting!
Short Toilet Jokes
Short on time but not on humor? Enjoy these quick-witted toilet one-liners! Sometimes, brevity truly is the soul of wit, and these jokes pack a punch in just a few words.
I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper…
Now those days are behind me…
What does the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.
I’ve run out of toilet paper and started to use old newspaper instead.
The Times are rough.
I got in touch with my inner self today. Note to self, never get the 1 ply toilet paper again.
A woman tells her friend: “Hey, yesterday I bought a toilet brush”. Her friend replied: “Alright, so?”
Her: Well I think its great invention, but I’d much rather use toilet paper.
I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was.
He said Aisle B, back.
I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom… but after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
I think I really connected with my inner self today…
That’s the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
I really got in touch with my inner self today. I should probably start buying thicker toilet paper.
Toilet Jokes One Liners
Elevate your laugh quotient with these witty one-liners! From clever twists to sharp humor, these concise yet uproarious toilet jokes are perfect for a quick dose of amusement.
I used to clean the toilets when I was in the army.
They called me loo tenant.
I feel very strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles.
So I have signed a partition.
How do you watch nascar without a TV?
You flush a bag of M&M’s down the toilet.
The toilet at my local police station has been stolen.
Cops have nothing to go on.
Somebody stole all the toilets in the police station.
The cops have nothing to go on.
When does Q come before P?
When there’s a line for the toilet.
How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
I got in touch with my inner self once…
Never buying single ply toilet paper again.
Two reasons I don’t drink toilet water.
No.1
No.2
About 14 women asked me out today.
I was in the wrong toilet.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl when it goes to the toilet?
Because the P is silent.
What does a non-binary person do on the toilet?
They/She/It.
Clean Toilet Jokes
Keep it squeaky clean with these family-friendly toilet jokes! Guaranteed to generate smiles without raising eyebrows, these jokes ensure wholesome fun for everyone.
My girlfriend left stains on the toilet bowl.
I thought she’d be easier to flush than that.
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed.
What happens when the king uses a toilet?
He gives it a royal flush.
My wife got mad at me for buying $10,000 worth of toilet paper.
She said i was flushing all of our money down the drain.
Why does Drax avoid automatically flushing toilets?
They flush early when he stands still.
If you ever see an baby owl in a toilet don’t flush…
Because you aren’t supposed to flush moist owelettes.
My wife told me I have a bad temper, so I flushed a GPS tracker down the toilet.
That way I’d never lose my sh*t again.
Why did the janitor flush the toilet?
Because it was his duty.
That U-bend behind the toilet…..i just can`t get my head around that.
I wanted to bring back toilet humour… …So I set out to write a new f**… joke.
I decided not to share it because it was too long winded.
While on vacation in France I drank a lot of wine.
To the point that my u**… turned black.
I talked to a doctor, and told him,
I pee now noir.
Dirty Toilet Jokes
Ready to tread the dirty and risqué path? Indulge in these daringly humorous toilet jokes! Crafted for the grownup audience, these jokes tiptoe the line between bold and hilarious.
Why did the toilet paper complain?
It had a crappy job.
Why did the toilet go to the party?
To get flushed with excitement.
What’s a plumber’s favorite horror movie?
The Draining.
How do toilets communicate?
Through poop signals.
What do you call a detective in the bathroom?
Sherlock Combs.
How do toilets say hello?
Pleased to meet your bottom!
What’s a toilet’s favorite movie?
Gone with the Wind.
Why did the toilet paper work out?
To get ripped.
Why was the toilet anxious?
It had too many nervous dumps.
Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill?
To get away from the crap.
What’s a toilet’s least favorite day?
Wipe-out Wednesday.
What do you call a bathroom superhero?
Captain Flush.
What’s a toilet’s favorite song?
Flush Dance.
Why did the lemon go to the bathroom?
To freshen up.
Why did the toilet win an award?
For outstanding bowl performance.
What do you call a bathroom queue?
A potty line.
Why did the stool refuse to flush?
It wanted to stick around.
What’s a toilet’s worst fear?
A bowel movement strike.
How do you know a toilet is angry?
It’s steaming mad.
Why did the soap get lost in the bathroom?
It took a wrong turn at the sink.
Toilet Jokes for Adults
Seeking mature humor? Delight in these adult-themed toilet jokes! Catering to grown-up sensibilities, these jokes promise a dash of cheeky fun while maintaining a mature tone.
When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat is a warm toilet seat.
My friend started calling the toilet the Jim instead of the John He said it sounds better when he tell people he goes to the Jim every day.
Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise it circles uranus looking for Klingons.
It’s ironic that Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet.
What’s four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?
An empty toilet paper roll.
Wife and I fight over the right way to hang the toilet paper.
So our therapist suggested we try the other person’s way for a week.
You know, roll reversal.
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does p**… come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes, she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what’s left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as p**….
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
How do you make your wife scream after s**…?
Wipe your d**… on the curtain.
From my 7yo Nephew, Why should you always bring toilet paper to gatherings?
For all the party poopers!
I started calling my toilet the “Jim”… instead of the John.
It sounds much better when I say that I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
Toilet Jokes for Kids
Entertain the young ones with these kid-friendly toilet jokes! Expertly curated for young audiences, these jokes ensure wholesome laughter and delight for children.
I have electrified a clickbait journalist’s toilet.
Number 2 will shock them.
People wonder why I call my toilet “the Jim” instead of “the John”
I do it so I can say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom.
The man says, “I swear, it’s not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!”
“I don’t believe you,” says the cop. “Show me.”
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man’s empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
“Well,” says the cop, “where are the drugs now?”
“What drugs?”
I am 24 seconds older than my twin brother…
… whenever I come out of the toilet I start a sentence with “When I was your age….” then proceed telling him the details of my majestic creation.
What’s the difference between a toilet and a graveyard?
Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.
A father is teaching his boy how to pee in the toilet.
“OK son”, he says. It’s as easy as counting to 5.
1. Pull down your pants.
2. Pull back your f**….
3. Pee in the toilet.
4. Put your f**… back.
5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying “2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4”.
A warm toilet seat is just like a p**……
It feels good, but you know someone was just there.
What’s in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise?
The Captain’s log.
I just made love to my girlfriend.
She asked, “If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?”
I took off my c**…, tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.
“Well” I said, “If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini”.
I just bought an ABBA toilet.
What a loo!
Two men are standing in line in Russia.
One says to the other “What is this line for?”
“Toilet paper” his friend replies.
“I’m SICK of these endless lines just to get the basic needs of life! “, he says. “I’m going to go kill Putin.”
He leaves, but comes back within a couple of hours. His friend is still standing in line for toilet paper. “Why are you back?”, he asks. “Did you kill Putin?”
“No”, the man replies, “The line for that was longer than this one!”
I decided to rename my toilet from “The John” to “The Jim.”
I feel much better saying I’ve been to “The Jim” this morning.
My Grandpa said, ” Your generation relies too much on technology.
I’m doing you a favor” as he tossed my phone into the toilet.
I laughed, and replied “No Grandpa, but yours does,” as I unplugged his life support.
I forgot my phone when I went to the toilet this morning.
We have 368 tiles.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet?
Because the pee is silent.
With thanks to my seven year old son.
A regular user walks into the bar and asks if he can use their toilet.
The bar erupts into flames and burns to the ground.
My grandpa was telling me about when he used to hunt tigers.
He said, “this one time I was alone in the jungle when out of the bushes, right in front of me, a huge tiger leaped out suddenly and went RRROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!! Kid, you won’t believe it, I s**… myself.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You bet I believe it, I’d have s**… myself too if that happened to me.”
“That’s not what I mean g**…, go fetch me some toilet paper.”
It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis.
It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own a**….
Toilet Jokes and Puns
Explore the witty world of toilet jokes and puns! With wordplay that’s both clever and comical, these jokes promise a barrel of laughs for pun enthusiasts and joke aficionados alike.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
I told a toilet joke at a party, but it tanked.
The toilet wrote a book about its life. It was a real page-turner!
Toilet paper is a great gift. It always comes in handy!
The toilet and the bathtub had a race. The toilet won because it had a head start!
I thought about getting a job at the bakery, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
The toilet was feeling down, so I told it to pull itself together.
Why did the toilet break up with the plunger?
It felt stuck in a draining relationship.
My toilet is a big fan of classical music. It loves the sound of “flush-tras”!
I told my toilet it needed a vacation. It agreed; it’s been working non-stop!
I tried to fix my toilet’s clog, but it was a real drain on my energy.
The toilet and the sink were having a heated argument. Things got pretty basin.
I told my toilet a joke, but it didn’t laugh. It must have been too flush-trated.
My toilet is a great listener. It’s always there for me, taking my crap.
I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
Final Thoughts
Embrace the power of laughter and keep the humor flowing!
Share your favorite toilet jokes and anecdotes in the comments below, fostering a community of joy and amusement.
Remember, as the adage goes, ‘A good laugh is sunshine in the house.’
Whether you relished the clean one-liners or ventured into the realm of daring humor, these jokes about toilet are here to stay, continuing to infuse mundane moments with endless hilarity.
So, keep the laughter alive, spread the mirth, and continue exploring the infinite depths of toilet humor!
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