In the realm where humor meets horror, our zombie jokes collection resurrects laughter from the dead.
As Albert Einstein once said, “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.”
Embrace the mysterious hilarity with expert-approved jokes about zombies.
Research shows laughter boosts happiness—imagine the joy with zombie jokes!
Harvard humor studies reveal the positive impact of a good chuckle, making our jokes scientifically proven happiness pills.
Let’s embark on this journey into the undead hilarity, where jokes about zombies reign supreme, and laughter is the antidote to the zombie apocalypse.
Best Zombie Jokes
Step into the graveyard of humor with the best zombie jokes! These jokes are not just undead; they’re reanimated with the finest punchlines. Unearth the laughter that even zombies would resurrect for.
Where do zombies swim?
The Dead Sea.
What bread do zombies usually eat?
Whole brain.
Where do zombies play tennis?
On a tennis corpse.
What do zombies blow their noses with?
Human tissue.
Why didn’t the zombie cross the road?
They didn’t have the guts.
Why do zombies avoid eating clowns?
Because they taste funny!
Why do zombies go to sleep early?
Because they are dead tired.
How did the group of zombie entrepreneurs come up with their business plan?
They brainstormed together.
What do zombie pirates eat?
Arrrrms!
What does a zombie use to work from home?
Zoom-bie.
What do you call a roe of zombies approaching?
A dead-line!
Where do zombies go for a meal together?
Headquarters.
Where do zombies go dancing?
At the monster mash.
What do dyslexic zombies eat?
Brians.
What do you get when you cross a zombie with a legume?
A zom-bean!
Humans get arrested under Miranda rights, but what do zombies get arrested under?
Habeas Corpus.
How can you tell that the zombie standup comedian was a hit with the audience?
Because he was killin’ it on stage.
What do zombies say before they eat?
“Bone Appetit!”
What do you call a zombie that cooks stir-frys?
Dead Man Wok-ing.
Why do you call a zombie who’s good at eating brains?
Dead-icated!
What was the zombie superhero afraid of?
Crypt-onite!
What did the zombie say when he was asked why he eats brains?
“A mind is a terrible thing to go to waste.”
Which kind of burgers is a zombie’s favorite?
Bite-sized ones!
What is a zombie’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
Why was the zombie feeling sad and lonely?
Because he just wanted to be with zombodie he loved!
What did the zombie give his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day?
A deady bear!
How did the zombie feel about meeting his long-distance girlfriend for the first time?
He was dying to meet her!
Funny Zombie Jokes
Embrace the undead hilarity in our collection of funny zombie jokes! From zombie comedians to graveyard puns, these jokes are sure to make your funny bone rise from the dead.
What should you do at a Halloween party if a zombie rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back to them!
How did the zombie get ready for her dinner date?
She got dressed up to kill!
What do you call a Mexican zombie?
Zombre!
Why zombies are never arrested?
Cause they can never be taken alive!
What do zombies consult to find out their futures?
Horror-scopes!
Why was the zombie rushed to the hospital?
Because he was in a grave condition.
How did the zombie greet the human?
Nice to eat you!
Why did the zombie take a day off work?
He was feeling really rotten.
What is a zombie’s favorite type of weather?
B-rain!
What do you call an undead cheese?
A zom-brie.
Why did the zombie go to see the doctor?
Because he was coffin.
What is zombie’s favorite type of dessert?
Eyes cream!
What is a zombies least favorite month of the year?
Dismember.
Why are zombies so good at playing Minecraft?
Dead-ication!
Why is it never wise to let a zombie cross the road alone?
It might not have eyes.
What do you call it when the zombie chooses the salad instead of the filet mignon at a fancy restaurant?
A grave mis-steak.
Where can you find zombie monkeys?
In the brain forest.
Why didn’t the zombie go bungee jumping?
Because it did not have the guts to walk.
Did you hear about the undead in Greece?
It’s a total zombie Acropolis.
Hilarious Zombie Jokes
Prepare for a laugh apocalypse with our hilarious zombie jokes! These jokes are so funny; even zombies can’t resist cracking a smile. Enter the realm of undead hilarity and experience laughter like never before.
What do you call an undead yellowjacket?
A zoom-bee.
What did the zombie riding on a horse say to his victim?
The end is neigh.
Where do zombies live?
On dead-end streets!
What do cat zombies use to groom themselves?
Catacombs.
What shampoo does a zombie wash his hair with?
Head and Shoulders!
Why did the policeman arrest the zombie after pulling him over?
Because the zombie couldn’t walk in a straight line.
How did the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What type of bread do zombies usually eat?
Whole brain!
How did the zombie help the other zombie screw in the lightbulb?
He gave him a hand!
How do zombies eat healthier?
They switch to vegetarians.
What forms part of a complete zombie diet?
Plenty of whole brains!
What the name of zombies favorite hit song to listen to?
“Diamonds are a ghoul’s best friend!”
What kind of apocalypse would be best for the economy?
A zombie apocalypse, because zombies are great consumers!
What do zombies say before a boxing match?
“Do you want a piece of me”?
What do zombies get around?
In a monster truck!
Why do zombies prefer to eat straight-A students?
Because they have big brains!
What do you call a zombie sleepover called?
Mass grave!
Do zombies eat candy corn with their fingers?
No, they eat their fingers separately!
Why was the zombie left-handed?
Because his right arm dropped off!
What should you never give a zombie?
A piece of your mind!
What currency do zombies use?
Crypto-currency!
Can zombies do yoga?
Of corpse they can.
How does a zombie like his steak done?
Raw-r!
What type of prisons do zombies like being sent to?
Brain cells!
What do the zombies read in the newspaper?
They read the headlines.
What do you call a bite from a zombie in the arctic?
Frostbite!
What did the zombie’s order at the bar?
A Bloody Mary!
What do you call a zombie that doesn’t laugh at funny zombie jokes?
Dead serious.
What makes zombies laugh?
Dad jokes.
Knock Knock Zombie Jokes
Unleash the undead hilarity with our zombie knock knock jokes! These jokes are like a spooky doorbell ringing with laughter. Knock, knock, who’s there? It’s the zombie punchlines ready to wake up your funny bone.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Zombie.
Zombie who?
Zombie glad you opened the door, brains are on the menu!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alpaca.
Alpaca who?
Alpaca the shotgun; the zombies are coming!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Just in time to escape the zombie apocalypse!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
Tank goodness it’s not a zombie!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive your brains are belong to us!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s just a zombie at the door!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butch.
Butch who?
Butch your arms, we’re surrounded by zombies!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Juan.
Juan who?
Juan of us will be a zombie if you don’t open up!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you! Did you just sneeze your brains out?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and barricade the door, the zombies are coming!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s cold out here and full of zombies!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the peephole and see if it’s a zombie or not!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Radio.
Radio who?
Radio not, here comes another zombie!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivan.
Ivan who?
Ivan more bite and I’ll turn into a zombie!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee, this place is infested with zombies!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita bite and now I’m a zombie!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy wind blows, it carries the smell of zombies!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Frank.
Frank who?
Frankenstein – oops, wrong monster!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dexter.
Dexter who?
Dexter door before the zombie gets in!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Zombie.
Zombie who?
Zombie glad I didn’t say banana?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Igor.
Igor who?
Igor the zombie apocalypse is upon us!
Zombie Jokes One Liners
Cut through the undead with our zombie jokes one liners! These bite-sized laughs pack a punch sharper than a zombie’s tooth. Get ready for quick-witted hilarity that leaves you craving for more.
How did the zombie become great a trick or treating? Dead-ication.
Where do zombies go on cruises? The Dead-iterranean Sea!
Why did the zombie go crazy? He lost his mind!
Why don’t zombies attack a sorority house? Cause zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains.
What do Middle Eastern Zombies eat? Bahrains!
What room can you never hide in to avoid a zombie? A mush-room.
Why didn’t the zombie go to school? He felt rotten.
How do zombies predict their futures? They read their horror-scopes!
How do zombies dance? Step, step, groan, repeat!
What is a zombie’s favorite month? Dismember.
Who won the Zombie War? No one. It was a dead heat.
What toy does a zombie like the most? A dead-y bear.
Why did they find a zombie’s head on a piano? It was trying to play by ear.
What should you do if a zombie rolls his eyes at you? Roll it back to him.
What do you call someone who’s brain has been eaten by a zombie? No brainer.
How do you know a zombie is tired? He’s dead on his feet.
What is a zombie s favorite language? Latin, because it is a dead language.
Where do zombies like to go sailing? Lake Eerie.
What type of street do zombies like? Dead ends.
How do zombies introduce themselves? Pleased to eat you.
What snacks do zombies take hiking? En-trail mix.
What has a dog’s head, a cat’s tail and brains all over its face? A zombie coming out of the pet store!
How does a zombie like his steak cooked? Flesh and raw-r!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like? Monster mash.
What do you call a zombie Pac-Man character? Wacca wacca waccing dead.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road? He lost his guts!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part? Second hand store.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? He was dead lifting.
What do you do if a bunch of zombies turn up at your door? Wish it was Halloween.
Why was the zombie always grinning? Because he had no lips!
Why do zombies prefer eating straight-A students? Because they have big brains!
How do zombies fall asleep? They count brains!
What did Zombie say to the bully who was roughing up a nerd? Don’t Touch my Food!
What is a zombie’s favorite kind of food? Brain food.
How many zombies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, zombies use a fleshlight.
Can zombies do yoga? Of corpse knot!
What did Batman look for after he got infected by a zombie? Baaaaayne!!
What do you call zombie staff? The working dead.
How did the zombie help the other zombie screw in a lightbulb? He gave him his hand!
What do you call a vegetarian zombie? Liar.
What do zombies say to their sweetheart? I chews you.
Why did the zombie swallow the light bulb? He wanted a light snack.
How do you show you like something on Zombiebook? You click the “Bite” button.
What do you call a one inch zombie? Tomb Thumb!
How does a zombie start a letter? Tomb it may concern…
Why are zombies like computers? They have megabites.
What kind of dish washing liquid does a zombie use? Dawn of the Dead.
What did girl zombie say to break up with boy zombie? You’re dead to me!
Why did the zombie cross the road? He wanted to eat the chicken.
What is white, black and dead all over? A zombie trick or treating in a tuxedo.
Clean Zombie Jokes
Embark on a laughter quest with our clean zombie jokes! These jokes are so squeaky clean; even zombies would shower after hearing them. Join us in the zombie humor spa for a refreshing dose of laughter.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why did the zombie eat the archer?
He wanted his bone and marrow.
Why didn’t the zombie get the job when they went for an interview?
They wanted someone more lively.
Where do zombies eat dinner?
The living room.
How do zombies serve their country?
In the Marine Corpse.
How does a zombie introduce himself?
By saying “Pleased to eat you.”
What did the zombie’s friend say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?
Good grief! Where did you dig her up from?
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What does a zombie get when he’s late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What kind of car does a zombie drive?
A monster truck.
Where is the safest place to be in a zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why did the zombie do so well on the test?
Because it was a no brainer.
What did one zombie say to the other zombie when they were eating a comedian?
Does this taste funny to you?
What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?
Life Savers.
Who did the zombie take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
What do you call a bee that never dies?
A zom-bee.
What do zombies say before a fight?
Do you want a piece of me?
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do zombies do at a wedding?
Toast the bride and groom.
What do you call an extremely well dressed zombie?
Dressed to kill.
Why did the zombie stop driving?
Because there was a dead end.
What do zombies like to eat at barbeques?
Halloweenies.
Why do the undead like honey?
They think it’s made by zom-bees.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Dirty Zombie Jokes
Dive into the darker side of undead humor with our dirty zombie jokes! These jokes are not for the faint-hearted but perfect for those who like their humor as dark as a zombie’s sense of fashion. Get ready for a thrill in the graveyard of jokes.
Zombie strippers are expensive.
It costs an arm and a leg to see them…
What’s the difference between you and a zombie?
A zombie gots brains for shit…
So God, a Jew and a Zombie walk into a bar…
The bartender says, “Hey Jesus”
What do you call a zombie’s butt?
A dead end.
Tie the deceased’s shoelaces together before burial.
That way, if there IS a zombie apocalypse, it’ll be as funny as fuck.
I watch zombie movies to prepare for weird events, however unlikely it may be.
The same is true for porn.
What does a zombie call a dick?
Junk food.
A woman died while having sex with a zombie
I guess you could say she’s fucking dead.
Zombie Jokes for Adults
For a graveyard soirée, we present zombie jokes for adults! These jokes are aged to perfection, like a fine zombie apocalypse wine. Brace yourself for mature humor that even the undead can appreciate.
Why did the zombie go to therapy?
It wanted to get its life back together, piece by piece.
How do you know if a zombie is lying?
You can see right through them!
Why did the zombie apply for a job at the bakery?
It wanted a “dead dough” rise.
What do you call a zombie who can sing?
A hum-dead-inger.
How do zombies communicate in the workplace?
They use deadlines.
What’s a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders (and knees and toes).
Why did the zombie get kicked out of the comedy club?
Its jokes were decomposing.
How do zombies enjoy their coffee?
With a side of brains and scream.
Why don’t zombies use social media?
Because they already have a dead following.
What’s a zombie’s favorite exercise?
Dead lifts.
How did the zombie propose to its undead partner?
With a severed finger – it was a real ring-finger.
What do you call a zombie with a sense of humor?
A deadpan comedian.
Why did the zombie go to school?
To improve its dead-ucation.
How do zombies keep their skin looking fresh?
With formaldehyde cream.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-ction figure.
Why did the zombie get a computer?
It wanted to improve its byte.
What’s a zombie’s favorite kind of party?
A dead-end bash.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
It had a bad case of the “un-deads.”
How do zombies celebrate Valentine’s Day?
They give each other pieces of their hearts.
Why did the zombie become a gardener?
It had a natural talent for dead-heading.
What do you call a zombie who wins an award?
A dead-academy award winner.
Why did the zombie join the circus?
It wanted to learn how to juggle its body parts.
How do zombies get around?
On a dead-end street.
Why did the zombie bring a ladder to the bar?
It heard the drinks were on the house.
What’s a zombie’s favorite type of music?
Decomposition rock!
Zombie Jokes for Kids
Join the junior undead humor club with our zombie jokes for kids! These jokes are so funny; they might just wake up the teddy bears. Get ready for laughter that’s kid-approved and zombie-tested.
What do zombies call their pets?
De-composed companions!
Why did the zombie win an award?
He was outstanding in his field! (Graveyard, get it?)
What do you call a zombie with no arms and legs?
A thing! (But a friendly thing!)
What do you call a zombie that can fly?
A Grave Robber!
What do you call a zombie magician?
A De-compositionist!
Why did the zombie go to the library?
To brush up on his rotting skills!
What’s a zombie’s favorite TV show?
The Walking Dead, of course!
Where do zombies go swimming?
The Dead Sea!
What do you call a zombie who’s bad at dancing?
Stiff!
What did the zombie say before the fight?
“Do you want a piece of me?” (Get it? Because they don’t have any!)
What kind of music do zombies like?
Thrillers!
Why did the zombie cross the road?
To get to the brains on the other side!
What’s a zombie’s favorite movie?
Shaun of the Dead!
Why did the zombie go to the dentist?
To get his FANGS checked!
What do you call a zombie who’s really good at math?
An Alge-brain!
Why did the zombie get fired from his job?
He was de-composed!
What do you call a zombie who wins a spelling bee?
A Crypt Keeper!
What do zombies eat for breakfast?
Toast with grave-y!
Why couldn’t the zombie go to the disco?
He had no groove!
What do you call a zombie who’s lost their way?
A De-oriented!
Why did the zombie go to the gym?
To get in shape… for brains!
What do you call a zombie who sings opera?
A De-composer!
What do you call a zombie who’s really good at telling jokes?
Hilare-ous!
Zombie Jokes and Puns
Enter the pun-filled graveyard with our zombie jokes and puns! These jokes are not just undead; they’re un-deadly hilarious. Brace yourself for a journey into the land of witty wordplay and zombie pun perfection.
When do zombies move to bed?
When they are dead and sleepy.
Do zombies use their fingers to chew popcorn?
No, they chew fingers individually.
Why was the archer eaten by the zombie?
Because the zombie craved his bones and marrow.
Why didn’t the interviewer hire the zombie for the job?
They wanted someone more spirited.
How is a zombie’s country served by them?
In the Marine Corps.
How does a zombie present himself formally?
He says, “Glad to eat you.”
What bean do zombies like the most?
A human bean.
What would a dog that rises back from the dead be called?
A zom-beagle.
Why do zombies go into a relationship with smart women?
Because they hate women with no brains.
Which place is safe and secured from any harm to live in a zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What is white and black in color and expired all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why didn’t the zombie make any mistakes on the test?
Because the zombie was a no-brainer.
What is said by one zombie to another zombie after they ate a comedian?
“Does this taste humorous to you?”
Who was taken to the prom by the zombie?
His ghoul companion.
In which place do zombies reside?
On dead-end lanes.
What is said by zombies before a battle?
“Do you need a part of me?”
Why did the zombie become mentally ill?
Because the zombie had lost his mind.
What do zombies do at a marriage ceremony?
Roast the bride and groom.
What would an incredibly well-outfitted zombie be called?
Outfitted to kill.
Why did the zombie quit steering?
Because there was a dead stop.
How do zombies predict their future?
With their horror-scope.
What sauce do zombies like the most with brains?
Grave-y.
Why is honey liked by the undead?
They assume the zom-bees make it.
Why was the zombie fearful to pass over the highway?
Because the zombie had lost his guts.
Why was the light bulb eaten by the zombie?
Because he had a craving for a light snack.
Why didn’t the zombie win a debate?
Because the zombie had no leg to stand on.
What was done by the zombie after he cheated on his girlfriend?
He rubbed his bum.
Why did the zombie avoid all his companions on Facebook?
Because all of his Twitter followers were digested by him.
Why does a zombie always go to Subway?
Because the zombie loves to ‘eat flesh.’
What do you receive when you traverse a zombie with a snowman?
Frostbite.
Why did the zombie humorist get disapproval off-stage?
Because he told only rotten jokes.
What would you do if you notice a zombie?
Wish it’s Halloween.
What does it need to be a zombie?
Deadication.
What does a zombie say on his date?
“I hate brainless women.”
What food do zombies like the most?
You.
What game do zombies like the most?
Bite and eat.
Why did the zombie start a garden?
To grow some fresh head lettuce!
What do you call a zombie in a bouncy house?
A dead ringer!
How do zombies keep their pants up?
With a dead belt!
Why did the zombie refuse to eat the comedian?
He tasted too funny!
Final Thoughts
As we reach the graveyard gates of our undead humor journey, we invite you to linger a bit longer in the land of laughter.
In the words of Winston Churchill, “A joke is a very serious thing,” and in this case, it’s a seriously funny affair!
Share your favorite zombie jokes in the comments; let’s create a virtual laughter apocalypse.
So, in the spirit of joy and camaraderie, spread these jokes about zombies like wildfire; let the infectious laughter echo in the halls of the living and the undead alike.
Your comments are not just welcomed; they’re encouraged!
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