Sleep experts agree – laughter before bedtime is the key to a truly restful night.
Introducing our handpicked selection of bed jokes designed to amuse and send you off to dreamland with a smile.
The scientific benefits of laughter are numerous, and what better way to incorporate it into your routine than with jokes about beds? Convinced, right?
So, why not ditch the yawns and opt for a bedtime filled with laughs?
Dive into the world of our bed jokes and make your nights memorable!
Best Bed Jokes
These jokes will make you laugh so hard, turning bedtime into the best part of your day! So, let’s dive into the humor and have a good time!
What do you get when you eat a sandwich in bed?
Bedcrumbs.
What does a painter draws before he goes to bed?
Curtains.
I would tell a joke about a bed.
But it hasn’t been made up yet.
What did a croissant say after brushing his teeth?
I’m bready for bed.
What does a dragon have before bedtime?
A knight cap.
What did the sheep say to the lamb?
It’s pasture bedtime.
What do you do when you really need to buy a bed?
Put your futon the gas.
What do you call a bed that gets passed down through generations?
An heir mattress.
What were the two cushions doing in bed?
Having a pillow talk.
What does the gingerbread man put on his bed?
Cookie sheets.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case.
What is the biggest type of bed?
The sea bed.
What did the blanket scream as it fell off a bed?
Oh sheet.
What is a bed’s least favorite time of year?
Spring break.
Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed?
Because it’ll blow his cover.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy.
Where do roses sleep at night?
In their flowerbed.
What does a piece of toast wear to bed?
His pa-jam-as.
How do you make up a snowman’s bed?
Fresh sheets of ice and a thick blanket of snow.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress?
They got married in the spring.
How did the gardener perfect their flower beds?
Through trowel and error.
Why did the rock sleep all day?
He was a bedrock.
Where did the chess player sleep?
In a king size bed.
Where do burgers sleep?
On a bed of lettuce.
What makes Dry River beds so adventurous?
Being ex-stream.
What did the newly married couple say when they found the bed they liked?
Water bed.
Funny Bed Jokes
Picture this – a cozy bedtime setting with jokes so funny they could make a snoozing cat burst into laughter. Get ready for a bedtime chuckle fest!
Where do roses sleep?
In a flower bed!
Why did the lawyer take a briefcase to bed?
To rest his case!
What do you call a policeman in bed?
An undercover cop!
I just bought a waterbed…
I wanted to splash out!
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed…
It just doesn’t feel right!
What do you call a bed passed down through the family?
An heir mattress!
Why should you never share a bed with a pig?
They hog the covers!
Why was Simba always the last in the pride to get out of bed?
He was the lie-in king!
How can you tell if an elephant is under your bed?
Your nose is touching the ceiling!
Which animal wears shoes to bed?
A horse!
How do you make a snowman’s bed?
Fresh sheets of ice and a blanket of snow!
Why did the broom go to bed?
He was getting sweepy!
Did you hear about the man who replaced his bed with a trampoline?
His wife hit the roof!
“Doctor, doctor, I just can’t seem to fall asleep!”
“Sleep on the edge of the bed, you’ll soon drop off!”
Did you hear the one about the bed?
I can’t tell you, it hasn’t been made yet!
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred!
When is a bed at its longest?
At night, when two feet are added to it!
What’s the biggest bed in the world?
The sea bed!
What do tall people do in bed?
Sleep longer!
Why did the musician love his bed so much?
Because it had great sheet music!
Why was the bed so proud of itself?
It made a big impression every night.
How do beds greet each other?
“Bed you’re feeling sleepy!”
Why did the bed give a warning?
Because it was alarmed.
Why did the ghost love his bed?
It had boo-tiful sheets.
What’s a bed’s favorite game?
Hide and sleep.
What did one bed say to the other bed?
“I’ve got your back!”
What do you call a bed that tells tall tales?
A bed of lies.
Why don’t beds work hard?
Because they’re always lying down on the job!
Why was the bed always getting promoted?
It always rose to the occasion.
What do you call a bed that loves to swim?
A waterbed!
Why was the bed feeling down?
It was tired of being slept on.
How did the bed respond to pressure?
It just mattressed up!
Why did the bed want to join the police?
To undercover operations.
Hilarious Bed Jokes
In a world where laughter reigns supreme, our collection of hilarious bed jokes takes center stage. Brace yourself for a bedtime filled with belly laughs and joy.
Why was the bed so good at tennis?
It had great top spin.
Why did the bed give a speech?
It wanted to address the sleep issues.
How did the bed show its love?
By being there when you fall.
Why was the bed so brave during the scary movie?
It had seen scarier sheet.
What did the bed say to the alarm clock?
“You’re the reason I wake up every day.”
Why did the bed apply for a job?
It wanted to make some headboard.
Why did the bed feel trapped?
Because of the blanket statement.
What’s a bed’s favorite instrument?
A trumpet, because it loves a good wake-up call.
How does a bed stay cool during the summer?
It uses a fan-tastic sheet.
Why was the bed always optimistic?
It believed in dreamy outcomes.
How do beds say goodbye?
Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite!
What did the bed say after a long day?
“I’m beat, everyone walked all over me.”
Why was the bed always calm?
It had mastered the art of resting.
What do you call a very old bed?
Bed-ient!
Why did the bed visit the psychologist?
It had too many nightmares.
Why was the bed so good at math?
It knew how to add more sleep.
How does a bed keep its secrets?
It mattresses them away.
Why was the bed feeling musical?
Because every night, it noted down dreams.
What does a bed do when it’s bored?
Goes undercover.
Why did the bed file a police report?
It got mugged by a pair of pajamas.
How did the bed compliment the blanket?
“You’ve got me covered!”
Why did the bed give its promotion to the blanket?
The blanket had more layers.
Why did the bed call customer service?
It had too many springs.
What did the bed say to the pillow?
“You rest up, I’ll handle the support.”
What kind of stories do beds tell their kids?
Bedtime stories.
Why was the bed so good at tennis?
It mastered the back-sleep hand.
What did the bed say after it was dressed?
“I feel sheet-tastic!”
Why did the mattress go to the doctor?
It had a bad case of bed lumps.
Why did the bed get a promotion?
It stood up to the ceiling’s pressure.
Why was the bed always happy on Mondays?
Because it felt well-rested.
How does a bed stay in shape?
It does blanket burpees every morning.
Why did the bed bring a ladder to school?
To go to high-bed education.
What do you call a bed that can sing?
A bed-in-tune.
Why did the bed apply for a reality TV show?
It wanted to show the world its true layers.
Short Bed Jokes
Don’t have much time? No worries! These short bed jokes are quick, easy, and will make you smile in no time. Perfect for a speedy chuckle!
Who stole the sheets from the bed?
Bed buglars.
What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?
Sleep in the wardrobe.
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner?
A snake charmer.
What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?
Run!
Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister’s bed?
Son: I couldn’t find a spider.
Doctor, doctor, I’m having difficulty sleeping.
Doctor: Well maybe it’s your bed.
Oh, I’m all right at night, it’s in the day I have problems.
Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don’t feel well.
Doctor: Don’t worry, you’ll just have to go to bed for a spell.
When Mr Maxwell’s wife left him, he couldn’t sleep. Why was that?
She had taken the bed.
Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?
He wrote sheet music.
I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed.
Did you have a big role? No, just toast and marmalade.
Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake?
She spent the night popping out of bed.
What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on?
Cot-on-wool.
You can’t have any more chocolates tonight.
It’s not good for you to go to bed on a full stomach. Oh, Mum. I promise I’ll lay on my side.
I’d like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress?
Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.
A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark.
Hello, Jenny, said the neighbour. Isn’t it time for little girls to be in bed?
How would I know? asked Jenny. I haven’t got any little girls.
Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace?
Because she wanted to sleep like a log.
Why do people go to bed?
Because the bed won’t come to them.
Shall I tell you the joke about the bed?
No, because it hasn’t been made up yet.
Why did the bed spread?
Because it saw the pillow slip.
Mother: Did you make your bed today?
Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.
Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed?
Because he sleeps on a waterbed!
Why did your sister keep running around her bed?
Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep.
Why did the girl take a ruler to bed?
She wanted to see how long she slept.
Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed?
Jane: I can’t answer. I didn’t know I was supposed to keep count!
Sonny: I can’t sleep. What should I do?
Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you ll be sure to drop off!
Why are rivers lazy?
Because they never get off their beds.
Why do you go to bed?
Because the bed will not come to you.
Why shouldn’t you believe a person in bed?
Because he is lying.
When does a bed grow longer?
At night, because two feet are added to it.
When is your mind like a rumpled bed?
When it isn’t made up yet.
Why did the kid punch the bed?
His mother told him to hit the hay.
Why did the boy take the ruler to bed?
He wanted to see how long he slept.
Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains!
What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?
Sleep on the sofa.
How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripey pyjamas!
Bed Jokes One Liners
Want jokes that get to the point? These one-liners are short, sweet, and super funny. Get ready for some quick and clever laughs!
Did you hear about the bed that went to the gym? It’s really fit and has great springs in its step!
My bed is so good at math, it’s a real numBARE.
Why did the mattress go to school? It wanted to become better educated – it knows how to spring into action!
I have a friend who’s a bed expert. I guess you could say he really knows the lay of the land.
I bought a new bed frame today. It was love at first “sight”!
My bed has a fantastic sense of humor – it’s always springing hilarious surprises on me!
Have you heard about the bed that became a doctor? It’s great at making patients feel comfortable.
I went to a pillow convention and witnessed some real pillow-tics: they were the sleepier side of comedy!
My bed really knows how to roll with the punches – it’s always ready to spring into action!
I’m trying to find a new bed, but it’s a real nightmare because I’m so picky. I guess I’m just seeking the “rest” of my dreams!
My bed keeps asking me to tell it a joke, but I’m worried I’ll put it to “rest”!
A couple of pillows fell in love, but it’s kind of a soft romance.
Why did the bed join a rock band? It wanted to be known as the ultimate bedROCKer!
Why did the bed’s alarm clock start telling jokes? It wanted to spring some laughter in the morning!
My bed and I are best friends. We’ve been through thick and twin.
Did you hear about the mattress that started a clothing line? It’s now producing quality sleepwear!
I’m always tired after moving my bed. It’s just exhausting springing into action all the time!
I asked my bed to tell me a joke, but it couldn’t come up with any because it was too pad at comedy.
Sleeping on my old bed feels like a wake-up call to get a new one. I think it’s time for a spring cleaning!
A bed once told me that life is like a mattress – it has its ups and downs, but in the end, you still find comfort.
Why did the bed go to therapy? It had too many issues with springing back from its problems.
What do you call a bed that makes itself? Self-ish.
I bought a bed that can transform into a sofa. I call it a “chillow.”
Why don’t beds ever gossip? Because they have too many sheets to keep!
My bed and I have a special relationship. It’s committed to me every night.
I told my bed a joke, but it didn’t laugh. I guess it has a very “stiff” sense of humor.
Why did the bed apply for a job? It wanted to get promoted from a twin to a king.
I have a bed that can cook. It makes a mean “sheet-zza”!
What did the pillow say to the blanket? “I’ve got you covered.”
My bed is a real overachiever – it’s always trying to make both ends meet.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough. Now, I’m in bed all day.
Why did the bed break up with the alarm clock? It couldn’t stand the ticking any longer.
What’s a bed’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good “bed beat.”
I asked my bed if it wanted to join a band. It said it was already comfortable with its sheets.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little “boogie” in it – just like my bed!
Why did the bed start a podcast? It had so many dreams to share.
My bed is so smart; it always knows when it’s time to hit the sack.
Why did the bed become a detective? It wanted to solve the case of the missing covers.
I tried to write a joke about a bed but it kept putting me to sleep.
Why did the bed go to school? It wanted to improve its spring skills.
I told my bed a joke about construction, but it didn’t get it. It’s not into “building” humor.
My bed and I have a lot in common; we’re both good at lying around all day.
What’s a bed’s favorite type of movie? Pillow-flicks!
I asked my bed if it wanted to hear a joke, but it was already asleep. Talk about a captive audience.
Why did the bed go to the doctor? It had a case of the “bed bugs.”
My bed has a great sense of humor – it always knows when to “pillow-t.”
Why did the bed refuse to apologize? It didn’t want to make a “cover-up.”
I told my bed I was cold, and it said to go to the closet – that’s where all the covers are.
My bed is like a library – it has a lot of good stories but rarely gets opened.
Clean Bed Jokes
Need jokes that everyone can enjoy? Our clean bed jokes are perfect for sharing with family and friends. No need to worry about anything inappropriate here!
Why did the bed go to the doctor?
It had a few screws loose!
What do you call a bed with a bad back?
A mattress-adjuster!
Why was the bed nervous about the party?
Because it had a lot of springs!
How did the bed get its name?
Because it’s always trying to make a good impression!
What did the bed say when it woke up in the morning?
“I have a spring in my step!”
Why don’t beds like to share their secrets?
They’re afraid they’ll be spread around!
What did the bed say when it got kicked out of the bar?
“I guess I need to take a hike!”
Why did the bed go on a diet?
To lose some weight and get a better night’s sleep!
What do you call a bed that loves music?
A melody maker!
Why did the bed join a band?
Because it wanted to be a drum roll model!
What did the bed say when it got tired?
“I think I need a nap!”
Why did the bed go to therapy?
It needed to work through some issues from its past!
What do you call a bed that’s great at sports?
An athlete-estic!
Why did the bed want to learn how to cook?
So it could whip up a delicious breakfast in bed!
What did the bed say when it met the bed frame?
“You’re the one who holds everything together!”
Why did the bed go to art school?
To become a masterpiece!
What do you call a bed that loves to read?
A bookworm!
Why did the bed go to the gym?
To pump up its mattress!
What did the bed say when it saw a dust bunny underneath it?
“Oh no, I’ve been swept away!”
Why did the bed go to the spa?
For a little R&R (rest and relaxation)!
What do you call a bed that’s really comfortable?
A cozy dream!
Why did the bed decide to start a blog?
To share its thoughts and feelings with the world!
What did the bed say when it got a new set of sheets?
“Ah, this is the life!”
Why did the bed go to the amusement park?
To ride the rollercoaster of emotions!
What do you call a bed that’s great at telling stories?
A yarn-spinner!
Why did the bed go to the beach?
To catch some rays…diation!
What did the bed say when it saw a cloud shaped like a bed?
“That’s just duvet-ly amazing!”
Why did the bed go to the zoo?
To see all the wild animals in their natural habitats!
What do you call a bed that’s an expert at hide-and-seek?
A snooze-ninja!
Why did the bed go to the dentist?
To get a checkup and a clean bill of health!
Dirty Bed Jokes
For the grown-ups seeking a touch of cheekiness, our slightly naughty dirty bed jokes are like a late-night giggle secret. Prepare for laughter with a hint of mischief.
My aunt recently decided to turn her home into a bed-and-breakfast.
I guess she woke up one day and said, “Not enough strangers are fucking here.”
3 guys awake after a night of sharing a bed
The guy on the rightmost side looks over to the other two, and says,
“I had the weirdest dream last night, I dreamt that I was getting jacked off!”
He looks down, and surely enough, there’s cum stains.
The guy on the leftmost side exclaims,
“Weird! I had the exact same dream…”
He looks down, and surely enough, there’s cum stains.
The guy in the middle starts laughing,
“I had a great dream! I dreamt that I was skiing in the alps, although I had to stop shortly after my gloves got soaked from the snow.”
Two turds on a bed.
One is dancing, giving it all and throwing victory shapes.
“Why are you in such a good mood?” asks the other, “we’re pieces of shit!”.
“Ah, well I just got laid”
The other night my wife and I were getting busy in bed….
She whispered in my ear “turn off the light and shove it in my arse”. I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.
I crawled in bed and slid my hand up my wife’s thigh,
She turned over and scoffed: “I have a headache.”
“perfect!” I said, “I just powdered my penis with aspirin, do you want any it orally or as a suppository?”
Why are chess players good in bed?
They can find up to 8 G spots for their queen.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest for suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
A couple in bed after sex.
**Her**: My, you’ve got to be the worst lover in the world.
**Him**: Oh really? And how, exactly, did you figure this out in 17 seconds?
I told my therapist I’m afraid my girlfriend will cheat on me because I’m not that good in bed
He said “We have to work on your thrust issues.”
What did Gordon Ramsay say when he caught a clown in bed with the Egyptian Sun God?
IT’s fucking Ra.
To all the women who only date assholes, nice guys are better in bed.
They always finish last.
Bed Jokes for Adults
Adults, this one’s for you! These bed jokes are funny and mature, just what you need for a good laugh before bedtime. Enjoy the humor!
She wrote an amazing story about her bed.
She made it herself.
My dad told me a myth about two beds placed on each other with a ladder attaching them both.
However, I went to the library to find some evidence, and I was actually able to debunk it.
What is the one bed that you cannot really sleep on?
A river bed.
The husband decided to replace the bed with a trampoline without informing his wife.
She hit the roof.
Simba is known for his lateness in getting out of bed.
That’s why he is the lie-in king.
What do taller people do in bed?
Sleep longer.
Friend: Hey, why are you always standing at night?
Me: My bed is broken, and I’m not lying.
I went to seek advice on buying a bed from a friend.
He told me, “Before you decide, you should try to sleep on it”
He enrolled in a band called Teenager’s Bed.
They never made it.
Guy 1: Have you watched that popular movie about a bed and zombies?
Guy 2: Bed and zombies? No. What is it called? Guy 1: The Walking Bed
Bedbugs nowadays are really annoying.
They have no bedside manners.
My friend advised me to follow my dreams.
I immediately went back to bed.
I wanted to make my waterbed more bouncy.
So I added spring water.
The first thing I do every morning after waking up is make my bed.
I guess it’s time I returned this piece of junk to Ikea.
A husband bought a waterbed to impress his wife.
Since then, they’ve drifted apart.
What’s an easy and quick way for a husband to turn a sofa into a bed?
Forget the wedding anniversary.
The bed salesman decided to sell all of his stock for 100% off.
He said nothing really mattress anymore.
My friend was ashamed when his girlfriend walked in on him playing with their son’s train set all by himself.
Out of panic, he took a bed sheet and threw it over it. I guess he managed to cover his tracks.
What did the blanket do as it fell off the bed?
It yelled, “Oh Sheet.”
Bed Jokes for Kids
Kids, get ready for some bedtime fun! These bed jokes are perfect for making you giggle before going to sleep. Share them with your friends for extra laughs!
Why did the bed go to the doctor?
It was feeling sheet-y.
What do you call a bed that can sing?
A harmonica!
Why did the bed refuse to go to sleep?
It didn’t need any rest, it was already spring-loaded!
What did the bed say to the pillow?
“Let’s cuddle up and rest easy!”
Why did the bed and the alarm clock break up?
They didn’t have good chemistry; their relationship was ticking away.
What’s a bed’s favorite sport?
Pillow-fighting!
Why did the bed talk to the dresser?
It was looking for some drawer-sation.
What’s a bed’s favorite type of music?
Pop and rock and springrolls!
Why did the bed like to visit the beach?
So it could get a good tan lines!
How does a bed become a movie star?
It has to audition for the “bed parts”!
Why did the bed move to France?
It wanted to experience a “Paris” of sleeping.
What’s a bed’s favorite fruit?
A water-bedmelon!
Why did the ghost haunt the bed?
Because it wanted to be a sheet-stirrer!
What do you call a bed with a broken leg?
A bed-ridden!
Why was the bed not allowed into the art gallery?
Its art skills were just too “bed”!
What did the bed say to the window?
I’m so tired, I could use a little more curtain time.
How do you know when a bed is having a bad day?
It’s feeling “under the weather” because of all the bed bugs!
What did the bed say to the lamp?
“I don’t mean to be rude, but you really need to lighten up!”
How can you tell when a bed is angry?
It just gets really “shut-eye-rate”!
Why did the bed get an award?
Because it was outstanding in its “field”!
Bed Jokes and Puns
Love clever wordplay? These bed jokes and puns are all about that! Get ready for some jokes that play with words and make bedtime extra fun.
I had a dream about a bed made out of books, but it was just a novel idea.
Did you hear about the bed that fell in love? It wanted to sleep together forever.
The bed bugs got together for a jam session. It was a night of itch-performing artists.
I built a bed frame out of old records. It’s a real vinyl resting place.
I fell asleep on a trampoline once, but it was a spring awakening.
The bed and breakfast I stayed at had a great view. It was truly “sight-resting.”
I asked my bed if it wanted to watch a comedy, but it said, “Nah, I’m not in the mood for a pillow fight.
I accidentally spilled coffee all over my bed this morning. Now it’s a buzzkill.
The bed was feeling a bit down, so I told it to get up and bounce back.
I had a dream about a giant bed made of cash. It was a money mattress.
I asked my bed if it wanted breakfast in bed, but it said, “Sorry, I’m already cereal-ously stuffed.”
The bed shop I went to had a sale. The prices were so good, they were mattress-kers.
I wanted to make a bed out of soda cans, but it just didn’t have enough pop.
I tried to make a joke about my bed, but it didn’t land well. It was a sleeping fail.
I asked my bed if it wanted to go for a run, but it just wanted to lie down.
I went to a foam mattress convention, but it was a bit too soft for my liking. It was a sinking feeling.
I told my bed to cover its mouth when it sneezes. It said, “Sorry, I didn’t realize I had bed germs.”
I fell off my bed and landed on a stack of board games. It was quite a “tumbling dice” experience.
The bed and the alarm clock had a disagreement. It just couldn’t face the music.
Why do mattresses always feel tired? Because they’re always springing into action!
What did the blanket say to the pillow? “I’ve got you covered!”
Why did the bed break up with the mattress? Because it felt too springy and shy-ded away!
How do you make a bed more fun? Use bounce sheets!
What’s a bed’s favorite type of exercise? Sheet ups!
Why was the bed invited to the party? Because it knew how to make a good impression!
What do you call a bed that sings? A cover band!
Why did the bed refuse to go to sleep? Because it just couldn’t pillow itself out!
What do you call a bed that can do magic tricks? A sleight of bed!
Why was the bed always getting into trouble? Because it had a lot of bunk!
How do beds communicate with each other? By using bedposts!
Why did the bed go to school? To learn how to make better springs!
What’s a bed’s favorite TV show? “Sleeping with the Stars!”
Why did the bed visit the doctor? Because it had too many sleep wrinkles!
What’s a bed’s favorite type of music? Heavy comforters!
Why did the bed go to the museum? To see the ancient bedding exhibits!
What do you call a bed that tells funny jokes? A sleep comedian!
Why did the bed make a great detective? It always solved bedtime mysteries!
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of bed? A water bed!
Why did the bed become a chef? Because it knew how to whip up a great breakfast in bed!
Final Thoughts
And there you have it – a collection of bed jokes to keep you company as you wind down for the night.
These jokes about beds are like a comedy night right in your bedroom, promising laughter that echoes through the night.
Which bed joke had you chuckling the most? Let us know your favorite, or share your thoughts on how we can keep bedtime laughter alive!
Sleep tight, and let the humor linger in your dreams!
Leave a Comment